hold on

(A crappy iphone photo but I love it)

It's strange to think that there will be a time when it won't be completely normal for Phoenix and I to be touching all day and night. Between morning snuggles, nursing, reading books in my lap, holding him on my hip as he watches me cook dinner, holding hands as we take a walk, baby massage after bath time, rocking him to sleep, and all the hugs and kisses all day long there is very little space between us. There were so many times during these past 16 months that being that close all the time felt suffocating. Obviously I loved all the closeness but between non stop nursing, co sleeping, and Phoenix's very strong attachment to me, I felt like I never had my body to myself. I went from carrying him around on the inside to carrying him and supporting him on the outside. And it was absolutely my choice. I'm not complaining about it. I feel so grateful that I've been able to (and still do) nurse him and have all this time together. I know there are other mothers who would do anything to be together.

16 months has proven to be the best. He is so adventurous, so curious, and SO loving. The hugs out of no where, the slobbery kisses as he's falling asleep at night...they slay me. Lately, bedtime has been my favorite. Which is a faaaaaar cry from the struggle it was the last few months. These days, after bath, lotions, and some quiet play time. P let's me know he's ready for bed by taking my hand and leading me to the bedroom (always around 7), we sing the goodnight song to papa, mama, and Phoenix. He puts his little arms out for each of us to squeeze him and with a big grin, leans in for a giant kiss. He loves this routine. After that, papa leaves, we put on his sleep sheep, turn out the lights, and have our time. We lay in bed and he nurses as I rub his little head and sing our song. After he's done, he rolls off my lap and snuggles into me. He takes my hand and puts it on his belly because he likes when I rub his little chest/belly area. And so I do. I quietly tell him about our day...from morning until bed time. What we did, and the adventures we went on...the friends we saw and all the sirens we heard. Sometimes he chimes in, sometimes he just listens. And every night he rolls over to face me, half asleep, and gives me a series of kisses with a sleepy grin. Heart explodes. This is what I'm talking about. How is it possible that one day this won't be happening nightly? I don't like to think about it.

Feeling his tiny ribs as his chest rises and falls...hearing his small, slow breath as he drifts off to sleep...and feeling him cuddle into me as I join him in bed...these are snippets of this precious time that I hope to never forget. I know that one day I will be longing for his little hand to hold mine and for that slobbery mouth to kiss mine. His touch will be reserved for greetings, birthday wishes, and thank yous. I know this all isn't happening tomorrow but I feel like I can see the cold reality that lies ahead and I don't like it one bit.

For now, I will cherish each little request to be held. Where as once I would do anything to have some alone time...I now realize that our days like this are numbered. I was feeling suffocated by the endless physical need from my child...now I want to give him more. I want to hold on to his hand a little bit longer before he runs off to explore, kiss his face a little bit more while he still lets me, and blow raspberries on his tummy while it's still funny. Let's not even begin talking about nibbling on those chunky thighs. I could write whole novels about my love of those thighs.

For today I will hold on a little bit tighter, and hope he will too.

natural cold remedies for mom and baby

I had big plans last week. I had errands to run, banana bread to bake, friends to meet up with. You know, a life to live. And then I got sick. Ughhhh. I felt it coming on Monday evening. The scratchy throat...gross. So I got up and immediately started on my usual arsenal of natural remedies to try and attack this cold before it had too much time to develop. Tuesday I woke up with a definite cold. And while Wednesday it seemed to peak, by Thursday I was feeling much better and by Friday I was at about 90%. I would say that is pretty good (3 days!) considering I also had to chase a toddler around and generally continue mom life. No pity from the 15 month old this time around. But I digress. Here are my recommendations for kicking a cold without any over the counter meds. All of these are also safe for baby and for breastfeeding.

Oregano Oil - We really use this for everything. It is such an amazing anti microbial, anti bacterial, and anti fungal supplement that it can be used to treat so many ailments. I have used a few different ones but I find that this one is good quality and well priced. For adults, you can take it orally. I generally take 2-4 drops under my tongue (depending on how sick I am) a few times a day. For Phoenix, I rub it into the bottom of his feet before bed and put some cozy socks on over. It works brilliantly.Oil of Oregano

Apple cider vinger - Bragg's is the brand I have been using forever. The reason it's important to use the raw and unfiltered variety of ACV is because it has natural probiotics. Those probiotics are killed off during pasteurization. ACV is alkalizing for your body. The more alkaline you are, the stronger your immunity and healthier you are. Conversly, the more acidic your body is, the weaker your immunity. I put a shot in a glass of water and take every morning when feeling unwell.Bragg's

Kombucha or other probiotics - Just like with the ACV, kombucha has lots of beneficial probiotics. Probiotics are essential in building and maintaining a healthy gut. Having a healthy gut is important because it's where we absorb all our vitamins and nutrients (among other things) and hence, we need to keep it strong to get better. If you're not accustomed to the fermented flavor of kombucha (I love it) than you can take a good quality probiotic supplement. Phoenix takes the kids one you see in the photo above. I just mix it in his hemp milk every morning.This kit from my favorite kombucha brand looks awesome!

Chest rub or eucalyptus oil - I usually burn eucalyptus oil at home when one of us is under the weather. It decongests the chest and cleans the air. I also rub it all over P's little chest before bed as well as my own. He nuzzles his little face into me at night so that way he breathes it off my skin too.Chest Rub

Eliminate dairy - Not forever, but dairy (mostly cow) is mucous forming. If you are stuffed up, you may want to hold off for a few days and let your body clear out the mucous. Dairy also causes a lot of inflammation for most people so even if you are not stuffy, you want to make it as easy as possible for your body to fight the cold (which is why you're meant to rest) and cutting out difficult to digest foods does just that. 

Citrus! - I like to include a lot of citrus this time of year for all the extra vitamin C. When I am feeling run dow I do include about 2000 mg of a vitamin c supplement but some delicious oranges and clementines never hurt anyone. Also, along with what I said about mucous, citrus breaks down mucous so even if you are taking a supplement, consider some fresh citrus for this reason.

Super garlic, tahini, ginger dressing - I made this the day after I started feeling sick (Tuesday) and ate it for almost every meal all week. I also gave some to P and forced Scott to eat it as well. He didn't mind. It's delicious. I do a variation of this dressing all the time. You basically start with as much garlic as you can handle. In this case I took about 3 whole raw cloves. You can put it in the food processor with some raw ginger root (again, as much as you can take. I used about an inch.) and one or two spoonfuls of raw tahini. Raw is important again as sesame has a lot of great nutritional benefits. Among them, tahini has a lot of magnesium which is essential in maintaining respiratory health. Zinc is also in tahini, which has been proven to shorten the length of colds. At this point, you pour in some good extra virgin olive oil and then thin out the paste to your liking. When thinner, it's a great salad dressing. A thicker paste works great on crackers and sandwiches. You can also stir it into soups, beans, hummus, or add to marinades. You basically want to get as much of this in your body as possible. Garlic kills everything. Ginger works wonders for colds and sore throats. 

Elderberry or Sambucus - The tea I drank (pictured above) has elderflower in it but Sambucus has elderberry in it as well. If you're not familiar with Sambucus, it has black elderberry, which has been used for centuries in Europe as a cold remedy. I noticed that it works right away at lessening our symptoms. Obviously we have the kids version. Scott and I take double doses twice a day. Sambucus for Kids/Cold Care Tea

Ginger, lemon, honey tea - I do sip on that cold care tea all day as well as give it to P in a sippy. Either in tea or on it's own, ginger, lemon, and honey tea is great for soothing sore throats and clearing up congestion.

Bikram yoga or just sweat! - On Thursday I was starting to feel better but I just needed to knock the last bits of the cold out of me. I bundled my sick self up and went to a Bikram class. It was just what I needed! If you've never done Bikram style yoga before, it's not as fast paced as the more popular Vinyasa or power yoga. And although it definitely get's your heart rate up and your blood flowing. that pace is slow enough that it's managable when sick. At least for me. Also, the room is about 1000 degrees so it helps you sweat out toxins. In fact, that's the whole point of the practice. I digress. That's another post. The point is, just sweating all the sick out made me feel amazing. By the next day I was feeling a million times better. 

These are most of the item that are our first line of defense. While I do think there is a definitely a time and place for drugs, we practice a lot of holistic medicine in our home as well as treat with herbs. I hope you don't get sick this season, but if you do, you may find that these may help you. Along with as much rest as you can get. (Not much for me!)

Thoughts on Breastfeeding at (Almost) Nine Months

Nursing a 1 week old at the pediatrician's office. Notice how delirious I look.

(This is a long post and one I've been wanted to write for a while. It's often difficult to put down on paper what I feel in such a deep part of my heart but here it is.)

It's not been easy. And it's also been the easiest, most natural part of being a mother. It's like everything else that comes with parenting - confusing, daunting, and without much time to research or try things out. You just jump in and hope you can tread above water. Kind of how the past nine months have felt. I don't mean for this to sound as though I hate breastfeeding or that it's impossible. It's just been such an amazingly humbling experience for me, so far.

When I was pregnant, and had all the time in the world to leisurely read everything I could find on labor, birth, breastfeeding, and newborns, I became fixated on breastfeeding. Every woman has something, right? In retrospect, I wonder if I manifested my challenges in the beginning by being so worried that I would be inadequate. In any case, the first few weeks and months were the greatest exercise in trust I have ever witnessed.

From the first nursing session with Phoenix, the experience was both painful and incredible enough to bring me to tears. A mixture of hormones and difficulty latching made for an intensely emotional start. Every time I would hear his little whimper of hunger I would cringe for what was about to come. As much as I loved it once he was latched on properly, I dreaded the excruciating 15 minutes that it took to get him there. He would be screaming from frustration, I would be crying from pain, Scott would be sitting with us doing everything he could to calm both of us down. In a word, it was exhausting (on top of being exhausted).

After what felt like the longest few weeks of my life, Phoenix and I had finally worked it out. But there's more. I know I previously wrote about the fact that I had mastitis (twice) that turned into an abscess and resulted in two failed rounds of antibiotics and hysterical calls to my midwife, ending in her draining it in her office in the middle of the night (with a giant syringe) and a scarred breast. That's the short version. What I failed to mention previously was how I didn't even notice at the time how huge all of this was, as it was happening.

I am not writing any of this because I was a medal or a pat on the back. I am by no means an expert or mother of the year. But I was determined to do everything I could to "fix" my breast. Personally, I was not interested in giving Phoenix formula. Even when my pediatrician said, "It won't kill him." Even when my mom friends said, "Breastfeeding is more trouble than it's worth." Every time I researched formula or looked at the ingredients at the supermarket, I was both terrified/overwhelmed to give Phoenix any of those millions of chemical ingredients on the label and also couldn't imagine paying so much for something I could give him myself, for free! I know that many women can't breastfeed or have to give their baby's formula and I have no judgement on anyone who chooses to do so. I think you need to do whatever is best for your baby and family. But I decided that Phoenix and I were going to figure this out.

And we did.

I told him everything that happened as it was happening. I made sure he was aware of what we were both going through. Even when I had an open drain above my nipple and there was disgusting infected pus coming out (I still cringe just imagining this actually happened), I made sure he could nurse from that side and held onto his tiny hand the whole time so he wouldn't touch it. Luckily those were the early days and he didn't flail around like a fish out of water every time he nursed, like he does now.

After the draining, the healing began. Rubbing the area with castor area every night. Applying hot compresses, taking tons of herbs and inflammation reducing foods. And all the while nursing baby boy day and night. The emotional healing came later. Much later.

As the months progressed, nursing became automatic. What once took an hour, now could be done in 5 minutes flat. At his four month well visit, Phoenix had tripled his birth weight. That was confirmation to me that all that around the clock nursing and perseverance had paid off. I have a healthy boy. Not to say that he would be unhealthy had we gone the formula route but I was just happy knowing we had gotten to to other side, Phoenix and I. We were a team and we were now in the clear, as these things go.

Since then, our nursing relationship has grown even stronger. As my tiny baby gets closer to being a toddler every day (noo!!!) I am reminded of how important this special bond is between us. When we traveled to Holland a few months ago, he nursed throughout both plane rides. Nursing has gotten us through two bouts of teething (6 teeth!) and also while being sick and having a fever last week on vacation. Now that P is about to walk, we are experiencing quite a few tumbles and falls. If there are big tears, I know baby needs that closeness. If we are out longer than expected and I have no food packed, I always breastfeed him. It's both a comfort and a source of nourishment, the best multivitamin he will ever take and his safe place.

I say that it was an exercise in trust because in the thick of it, with an infected breast, a hysterical, hungry infant, an exhausted but incredibly supportive husband, a worried midwife, and little hope, all I could do was trust that it would be okay.

After my miscarriage, I trusted that I would have a healthy pregnancy. Having an unmedicated home birth, I trusted baby and I would safe. In the intensity of labor, I trusted that the pain would eventually end and the baby would come. Throughout the first months of motherhood, I trusted that my body could conquer all those things and that I was made to breastfeed as well. I trusted the process and the lesson.

It has been humbling and powerful. Phoenix still nurses day and night, whenever he wants really. He eats three "meals" a day now so it's not as frequent as it once. There were days that I felt were impossibly long and he was attached to me the whole time. There were nights that I cried to Scott about how frustrating it was that Phoenix would only calm down or fall asleep if I nursed him. I now understand that it is all a part of my role as mama. My scent soothes him, and as much as he loves his papa, sometimes mama offers a comfort that he can't. I get it now. And those nights that I wished that we just cared less and could give him a bottle, I whined and I cried and I got over it. We never did give him a bottle. If not anything else, being a parent has made me much stronger in my convictions. And when I decided I was going to master this foreign thing - breastfeeding. I did it. We did it. And I am so grateful for all the days and nights so far. All the tiny scratches, as of late. All the nibbles now that he has teeth. All the sweet looks of love and gratitude I get when I look down. I cherish all of these.

Full Circle

"Each moment of motherhood, whether they be exhausting and mundane... or magically rewarding, all work together to make up the beautiful tapestry of motherhood we are weaving day by day, crazy minute by crazy minute."

I read this quote recently on another blog and it spoke volumes to me. Phoenix has now lived outside of my body just as long as he was in. It, all at once, feels like forever and a second has gone by. Now that this funny little boy of ours is almost nine months (what?!) old, I feel like I have this whole thing a tiny bit figured out. Just a bit. I'm careful not to get too comfortable with anything, as I have learned that it can change within a day, an hour, or the blink of an eye.

Just last week P was still my gummy mouthed 8 month old with just two little bunny teeth, and all of a sudden he is entering the last quarter of his first year with six big boy teeth. It's bittersweet, as these things go. Every day that passes is one less day that he is my tiny baby and one day closer to being a toddler.

His eagerness to move and be independent is undeniable. At any given time, he is ready to go, see, and do. Constantly exploring and discovering. I love watching him focus on new details and poor over things like ribbon and spatulas for days.

These days are so precious that I find it difficult to keep up with my "old life" sometimes. Tasks that once took an hour now take days, sometimes weeks to finish. Blog posts idle in my drafts folder unfinished, rendering them old news but the time I am ready to update them. Recipes that I want to try sit bookmarked on the coffee table until they are no longer "in season" (how about those valentine's day cookies now?). Our apartment is still unfinished since we moved here in March. But still we savor this season that we are in. These moments with our little one. The slivers of time that feel like they are slipping by too quickly every day.

Our darling little boy is becoming so much sweeter and funnier than we could have imagined. It's true what they say, it does keep getting better. It's strange to remember the beginning, the challenging days. When it felt like it would never be "better" or easier. Those days had no beginning or end. They were an endless stream of sleeplessness and nursing, enveloped in a fog of butterflies-in-the-stomach love. Those days are ones that I will not soon forget. But they were difficult.

Now we don't have as many diapers to change and we sure do laugh a lot. Our challenges are different, and that's okay. We have to watch the little guy all the time, and as daunting as that sounds, it's also an exercise in being present. Often, I find myself trying to watch Phoenix out of the corner of my eye as I am scanning my email or preparing lunch. Even though multitasking is necessary at times, it stops me in my tracks when I look away for a second and I look back and see him looking up at me with the hugest grin on his face. Heart melting. Or I catch him completely engrossed with a wooden spoon. It may take a little longer to prepare lunch but I have to remind myself to slow down, to put away the to-do list, to worry about the blog later.

Some days are so long (and exhausting) but man, the years really are short. It's proven to be the truest cliche of all the cliches that come with parenthood.

So enjoy the happiness in coming full circle, my love. While I loved growing you inside my belly for almost nine months, it sure is rad having you on the outside. We watch with bated breath as you approach your first birthday in a funny crawl-walk hybrid. Always laughing. Our hearts smiling.

Newborn Essentials Part 2

Part two of my newborn essentials!

(5 months in his bouncer)

BABYBJÖRN BabySitter

We weren't really interested in getting a standing swing because we were concerned about space. When I wrote yesterday to start with the basics and buy as needed, that has been our approach to almost everything so far. I hate having clutter so the less we bought in to the things we "needed" the less we accumulated. Anyway, this bouncer rocks! It doesn't shake, vibrate, light up, sing, or any of the other bells and whistles that some other swings have but it has been perfect for us. Aesthetically, it is designed so much nicer than the gigantic plastic ones and it can also be folded and tucked away. It has several settings from sitting up to laying down. When Phoenix was tiny, he napped on the lowest setting all the time. We didn't have a crib and since he was sleeping every few hours, we would keep this bouncer in the living room and just lay him down when he was asleep, bouncing him whenever he stirred. It was perfect. Now that he is 6 months, we don't use it for sleeping but we do still use it daily. It's super helpful as a safe place to put him while I leave the room for a minute or can keep him entertained while I'm cooking. Around 4 months he started getting bored just sitting in it so we bought the wooden toythat went along with it. He really loved it and still plays with it all the time. I highly recommend this simple little bouncer if you are looking for an alternative to hideous plastic swing machines.

(one month old on his play mat)

Skip Hop Activity Gym

I was really against getting a play gym. Why? Because I thought they were all so tacky, huge, and loud. At the last moment, I put this one on our registry and when some sweet friends got it for us I could feel my anxiety setting in about actually taking it out of the package and using it. It seemed so big and colorful. Fast forward to about two months and P couldn't take his eyes off of it. I took it out of the package one day and we have been using it every day since. As these things tend to come, this is a pretty cute one. The colors are somewhat subtle and tasteful and the modern design (throughout the brand) lends itself to a more pleasing aesthetic in your shared family space. Basically, it doesn't scream "Hey, a baby lives here!!!" Even though it does. The birds/animals also squeak and make little sounds but not in an obnoxious way. I love that one of the birds is holding a wooden ring which has been both a teether and pull up, in the past few weeks. Now that P is on the verge of crawling, he likes exploring the actual mat and yell at the apples and leaves. Obviously, he loves it.

(4 Months in his stroller)

(5 months and very serious)

UPPAbaby Vista Stroller

I adore our stroller. I didn't really start using it much until about a month and a half ago. Until then, I almost always wore Phoenix. Even though I still wear him a lot, it's nice to have the option to take him in the stroller for a longer walk, since he's getting so heavy. Now, I've never had another stroller to compare this one to but I did practice on a few while I was pregnant and this one felt the most comfortable, for sure. The main reason I liked it though, was that it came with a bassinet. I know that several different brands also come with a bassinet so maybe those work better for you. The other feature I love is the huge basket underneath with pockets. I have crammed so many groceries under there, plus a baby bag, plus blankets, toys, etc... The canopy also has a built in UV/SPF pull down extension which is helpful on super sunny days. The interior of the bassinet is made of organic cotton and the mattress is made out of organic soybeans, if that's important to you. Oh, and Scott was impressed with the suspension and handling. Maybe your husband/partner will be to. (Suspension, what?) 

Sleep Sheep

I think I may enjoy the Sleep Sheep more than I should. I have told Scott that I think they should restructure their business and market to adults. That's another post...

This little guy is soft, soothing, and pretty neutral (which we enjoy). He make four sounds, one of which is an intense and scary sounding heart beat. We don't put on that sounds, ever. However, we all enjoy the waves crashing, rain falling, as well as the whale sounds. Thank you Sleep Sheep. I'm not sure if you actually put our baby to sleep (Wait, babies sleep?) but you put me in a generally more restful state every evening. 

(In his sleeping gown - 8 days old)

Sleep Gowns

You will change a lot of diapers. Day and night. In general, you want to make this task as quick as possible, but at night you you want to be able to do it with your eyes closed. Enter: the sleep gown. I originally didn't buy any of these for baby P because I thought they didn't look as cozy as his little jammies. I was wrong, wrong, wrong. These gowns are heaven sent. No zippers or even worse, snaps (uuuugghhhh) to deal with. Just hike up the elastic. Swap out diaper. Boom, done! And he looked so sweet in it. I was sad when he grew out of these little dresses, er, gowns. 

(9 days old on his blanket)

Aden + Anais Swaddling Blankets

I know these blankets are all over the place and I know it's crazy to pay so much for blankets but these blankets rock! You will (as I did) receive tons of receiving blankets. People love to give blankets for some reason. But if some sweet friend or relative asks you what you're looking for, suggest these. They are big enough to swaddle your baby, lay out as a play blanket, drape over your stroller, fold up into a little pillow, or use as a ribbon dancing toy as we do. There are really so many possibilities. Since P was born in the winter months, we didn't really uses these to keep him warm but I have been using them a ton lately. And the colors/designs are really cute compared to some of the teddy bear overload out there. 

Medela Pump in Style

What can I say about breast pumps? It is not super pleasant to pump. But most of us have to at some point. I am lucky that I work from home and so I don't have to pump exclusively for P like some (amazingly dedicated) moms do. But when I do, I thank my lucky stars that I have this pump. It is easy to use, gets the uncomfortable job done quick, and is a breeze to clean. I've never used a manual pump but if you are going to go the route of an electric pump, this is an excellent choice.

Easy Meals

Remember when I posted this pumpkin mac and cheese recipe? Yum. Well it was only a few weeks prior to my due date and I was starting to stock up on freezer meals. I made a few trays of food as well as some home made frozen burritos for us to have on hand. Even though we still ordered take out, it was so amazing to have fresh, wholesome food on hand with no time or energy to cook. Nursing around the clock makes you both insatiably hungry and super thirsty so eating too much sodium laden take out or processed meals will just make you feel even more depleted than you already do. Not to mention, whatever you eat goes to the baby and you don't want too much of that in your body or theirs.

image via

The Internet

Both a blessing and a curse. I think if you looked back in my Google search history, you would find anything from, "Can I really survive on two hours of sleep?" to "What color should a newborn's poop be." Real life. Things get questionable around 5 am when you're delirious and have no idea what to do. In times of despair I found the ramblings of other moms and dads to be a comfort as well as sometimes instilling sheer terror in me. If you're really unsure of something, ask your doctor, of course. Blogs are nice to read to keep your sanity and feel like you're not the only one out there experiencing this craziness. But I think you'll find that your instinct will always lead you to do what feels right in your heart. Many times when I have felt that I was "supposed to" do something that didn't feel quite right, I agonized over it. Reading different studies, opinions, and blogs. In the end, I usually went back to my first instinct and immediatley felt so much relief. That fact that you are choosing to bring a baby into this world gives you enough knowledge and credibility to make the choices with conviction that you inevitably will. Trust yourself mama, you will always know the right way in the end. And know, you are not alone. 

My Newborn Essentials List Part 1

A few of my girlfriends are pregnant right now (yay!) so I thought it would be fun to put together a list of my personal essentials. I know there are a ton of these lists floating around the internet, pregnancy magazines, etc. but these are all the things that I found to be life savers in those first few weeks/months. Don't forget that most of those magazines are paid by advertisers to feature their products (as are celebs!) so try not to get too caught up by the "must-have's" you come across. Yes, even mine.

Start out with the basics and buy things as needed, otherwise you will end up with tons of unworn clothes, toys, and random stuff you won't use.

With all that said, here's is my list:

Ikea Spoka Night Light

We have used this little mouse from day one and still use it every night. It was so helpful during those first few weeks when we would be up every two hours. That way we didn't need to turn on the light for feedings and diaper changes. Also, it changes colors which P was and is still mesmerized by. In those early days, when he would get fussy, Scott would bring him over to the little mouse and bounce him as he watched the soothing colorful glow. It would calm him down every time. Oh, and it's portable!

My Brest Friend

This really was my best friend. This pillow and I spent more time together than I would like to remember. It was attached to me ALL THE TIME. I'm not kidding. If the baby was there, you could pretty much count on the pillow being there. As I mentioned, Phoenix and I had a lot of breast feeding trouble in the beginning and this little pillow was a lifesaver when it came to holding him for hours and hours of eating and learning how to latch. He also slept on it, curled up next to my belly many times. It served as back pillow for me on numerous occasions, as well as a tummy time activity for P. Now that he is a huge baby, I no longer have to use my beloved pillow. But I would not have made it through those long nights without it.

(4.5 months old in a Fuzzibunz)

Cloth Diapers

Yes, we are those people who cloth diaper. I could write a whole post about which brands we chose and how we ended up liking them (and I will!) but my best advice is to get a few different styles and brands and then invest in the one you liked most. Keep in mind that you may like different ones for different ages/purposes. For example, we have a few that we like at nighttime only and several that we loved when he was tiny, etc. There is A LOT of choices when it comes to cloth and we have loved using them. There are, of course, environmental reasons for replacing disposables but for us it was all about the money. Using disposables exclusively can cost roughly $2000 a year. That is crazy. And $2000 extra that we don't have. By using cloth, you can argue that we still have the expense of washing them, detergent, and of course the initial investment. But it is no where near $2000. We actually received the bulk of our supply as shower gifts and have added on to our stash whenever there are sales on mini social, zulily, or gilt.

Seventh Generation Diapers

As much as we love our cloth diapers, we are also reasonably normal people who need to sometimes use disposables, and we do. For this purpose, we buy a package and use as needed. I'm not too militant about only cloth diapering so if we are on a long car trip or planning to be out of the house for a long time I have no problem using these. Especially because we live in a city and we can't just stash dirty diapers in the car. You have to carry those stinky bombs around with you all day. Yeah...

(Phoenix in the Ergo insert - 9 days old)

(Going to our first ped's appt. in the Ergo - 10 days old) (Also, I look so exhausted. Wow.)

 (Four months old on a walk)

(Day 2 in his insert) (Also, wow. TINY.)

Ergo Carrierwith Infant Insert

I love my Ergo. I really, really, do. And the infant insert was so nice in the beginning. It's like a tiny down sleeping bag and often I would just snuggle P in in and lay it down in the bassinet so he was extra cozy. It also felt so much more secure for taking him out of the house in those early days. It supported his neck and kept him warm. Now, I'm not sure how great it will be for infants born in the hot summer as it is pretty cushiony and was ideal in the fall and winter. We have had a stroller since before P was born but used it all of once until he was about three months old. Even then, I mostly carried him. It felt so strange putting him in this giant bassinet and pushing him around. I loved having him close to me (and so did he!) and carried him everywhere. That's why we have a few different carriers. I don't use this one around the house as it is a bit bulky for just hanging out but it definitely has enough support to carry around this 20 lb boy these days.

(Phoenix in the Sakura Bloom sling- 2 months old)

Sakura Bloom Sling

I treated myself to a Sakura Bloom sling towards the end of my pregnancy. I had been seeing them on Leigh's blog, Marvelous Kiddo and thought they looked so beautiful. I was a little intimidated to use it at first as I wasn't quite sure how to position the baby. A sweet lactation consultant and baby wearing expert showed me when P was about 4 weeks old and I couldn't believe the difference. The baby's weight is distributed completely differently than the other carriers. Also, without the extra bulk of the carrier itself, he felt much lighter and my back didn't hurt as much. I originally bought myself the simple linen sling which is going to be perfect for the upcoming months. Now I also have the silk, which is beautiful in itself! I also love the slings for hybrid days when I want to take the stroller out but still toss it in the basket for wearing him when we arrive at our destination, such as a friend's house or dr.'s appointment (which is what I did yesterday). It's so compact and light and also a great accessory for your outfit. Even though I am part of the Sling Diaries, you can be sure that this is not a sponsored review. I really do love my Sakura Bloom sling!

(Phoenix in the Moby-4 days old)

Moby Wrap

The Moby was the first carrier I used after P was born and while it takes a little while to figure out, you can put it together pretty quickly once you do. It's basically a long piece of jersey fabric that wraps around you and your baby to keep them snuggled up close to you. It was a nice way to keep him warm and cozy around the house and when he was light, it worked nicely. After about 15 lbs or so I packed it away because he was getting too heavy and I had to keep retightening the fabric as I wore him. Big boy.

Well that's all I have time for right now. Also, it is taking me forever to write this post as I am looking at photos of a tiny babe that no longer resembles the giant boy that is napping in the other room. Ahhhhh...must slow down. If anything, this always reminds me to keep up with my photos and videos. Stay tuned for part two of my list tomorrow!

6 months minus 1 day

My belly about 2 weeks before P was born

6 months ago I was restlessly walking around the East Village, pausing to get through my contractions and bargaining everything I had with the universe to help get this baby OUT. On the eve of Phoenix's half birthday, I'm happy to report that life on the other side is better than I could have imagined on that day. I'm sure I will feel even more grateful and emotional on his one year birthday but 6 months is nothing to frown at. And what a six months it has been...

My pregnancy was pretty wonderful. Every weekend in the ocean, not much discomfort until the very end. I had about two weeks of sciatic pain and of course the enormity...oof. It's difficult to bring myself back to that place. Even though it was only 6 months ago, it feels like a different life time. I know a lot of people say that they can't remember their life before they had children. I don't believe this is true. I don't mean that in a selfish way. I love my child and my life now but it is just different.

As my due date approached, the reality hit me that this person was mine to take care of forever. That is a huge statement. All of a sudden, nothing was good enough. (Of course it wasn't.) Our apartment was crap, we didn't have enough money, we should be more prepared!!! What were we thinking??!! Ah!

I spent a lot of time going inside myself and searching for the strength to embark on this journey. My whole pregnancy, I was so focussed on growing the baby, keeping him safe in my belly, and taking care of myself that I forgot that he was eventually come out. Crazy, huh?

After my water broke (three days before I went into labor) I felt frozen. I mean, I was excited to meet him but terrified of not only this crazy, nondedicated, home birth that I agreed to (What?!! Can we still talk about that epidural???) but also to the beginning of this new role, responsibility, and chapter in our lives. Was I ready? It didn't matter. This baby chose us and he was ready to meet us. Ready to meet the world and begin his own journey, write his own birth story.

These thoughts feel so scattered now, but as I sit here writing this all out I'm in awe of how much my life has changed in such a short time. When I wrote that life is different, I mean, how could it not be? You're thrust into this new version of your old life with a couple hours (maybe a day's) notice. One second you're contemplating another cookie and within several hours you have this impossibly tiny (so tiny!) person with a beating heart and breathing lungs and all they need is you. And to be honest, having a partner is essential in the way of support but in the beginning, all that little person needs is you. In an alarmingly, overwhelming way.

But all at once, that little person is 6 months old and you are left to wonder how this bubbly, funny, little baby came to be. Where is the newborn who was hungry every 45 minutes? The tiny (did I mention tiny?) little koala who slept on our chests more than half the time...the little sack of potatoes, as I so sweetly referred to our sleepy son. He is a different baby. He laughs every minute and has a giant gummy smile that will melt your heart. On the worst days he can bring my heart to light and on the amazing days it feels like they should never end.

6 months ago today I was about to embark on a journey that I was completely unprepared for. I would go to sleep wondering how much more time I had to endure the oncoming contractions and how bad the pain would be (ha!). I was about to find out that even though the easy part was over, the best was yet to come.

Teething + A Giveaway

(It's a crappy photo photo but it was just too cute)

Oh teething...you are no joke. For months little P has been drooling and gnawing on everything in sight while everyone exclaims, "OH! He must be teething." I was guessing, well maybe and that I was so lucky I had a happy teething baby. Not like those horror stories you hear of inconsolable babies and night waking. Not my P...
Enter baby tooth #1.

He has caused Phoenix so much distress and mama (and papa) so much heartache. Just seeing our little nugget struggling to settle down and wake up screaming in pain is terrible. While we have been giving him some homeopathic drops and helping him chew on everything, including us, our poor little man is so unlike himself these days. Yesterday we headed out for our daily walk with a few friends and P cried almost the entire time. I had to hold him, sleeping, almost the whole way. Even the swings failed to cheer him up much. And while I'm crushed about him having to be so uncomfortable, I feel even more emotional about the fact that he actually has a tooth. Every time he clamps down hard on my finger and I feel that sharp piercing of my skin, I feel both proud of him and a little sad that my tiny gummy baby is growing up. It never ends.

While nothing can truly take away the pain that is the teething monster. There are some things that help. We have been using two popular homeopathic teething drops, Vibrucol and Boiron. They are life savers at night. During the day we just do things to keep our minds off of it: take walks, go to park, play, play, play, sing, chew on e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. You know...
And while P loves his Sophie (finally), we were also gifted a lovely wooden teething ring that he is more than happy to gnaw on as well these days. I think the hard, smooth surface feels good against his sore little gums. JL Wooden Toys makes beautiful handmade wooden toys and teethers. They are a local business and are really reasonable too! I can tell you that we already bought the train and while P can't actually play with it yet, he likes to stare at it lovingly on his toy shelf and also pick it up and drop it. Baby success.

JL Wooden Toys has generously given me two beautiful cherry wood teether to give away here! All you have to do to enter is "like" JL Wooden Toys on Facebook and leave a comment on this blog (Facebook comments cannot be entered, unfotrtunately). I will randomly choose two winners in a week from today. For extra chances to win:
1. "Like" Paper Hearts & Cranes on Facebook
2.  Follow PH&C on Twitter

Good luck and happy teething :)