Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Full Circle

"Each moment of motherhood, whether they be exhausting and mundane... or magically rewarding, all work together to make up the beautiful tapestry of motherhood we are weaving day by day, crazy minute by crazy minute."

I read this quote recently on another blog and it spoke volumes to me. Phoenix has now lived outside of my body just as long as he was in. It, all at once, feels like forever and a second has gone by. Now that this funny little boy of ours is almost nine months (what?!) old, I feel like I have this whole thing a tiny bit figured out. Just a bit. I'm careful not to get too comfortable with anything, as I have learned that it can change within a day, an hour, or the blink of an eye.

Just last week P was still my gummy mouthed 8 month old with just two little bunny teeth, and all of a sudden he is entering the last quarter of his first year with six big boy teeth. It's bittersweet, as these things go. Every day that passes is one less day that he is my tiny baby and one day closer to being a toddler.

His eagerness to move and be independent is undeniable. At any given time, he is ready to go, see, and do. Constantly exploring and discovering. I love watching him focus on new details and poor over things like ribbon and spatulas for days.

These days are so precious that I find it difficult to keep up with my "old life" sometimes. Tasks that once took an hour now take days, sometimes weeks to finish. Blog posts idle in my drafts folder unfinished, rendering them old news but the time I am ready to update them. Recipes that I want to try sit bookmarked on the coffee table until they are no longer "in season" (how about those valentine's day cookies now?). Our apartment is still unfinished since we moved here in March. But still we savor this season that we are in. These moments with our little one. The slivers of time that feel like they are slipping by too quickly every day.

Our darling little boy is becoming so much sweeter and funnier than we could have imagined. It's true what they say, it does keep getting better. It's strange to remember the beginning, the challenging days. When it felt like it would never be "better" or easier. Those days had no beginning or end. They were an endless stream of sleeplessness and nursing, enveloped in a fog of butterflies-in-the-stomach love. Those days are ones that I will not soon forget. But they were difficult.

Now we don't have as many diapers to change and we sure do laugh a lot. Our challenges are different, and that's okay. We have to watch the little guy all the time, and as daunting as that sounds, it's also an exercise in being present. Often, I find myself trying to watch Phoenix out of the corner of my eye as I am scanning my email or preparing lunch. Even though multitasking is necessary at times, it stops me in my tracks when I look away for a second and I look back and see him looking up at me with the hugest grin on his face. Heart melting. Or I catch him completely engrossed with a wooden spoon. It may take a little longer to prepare lunch but I have to remind myself to slow down, to put away the to-do list, to worry about the blog later.

Some days are so long (and exhausting) but man, the years really are short. It's proven to be the truest cliche of all the cliches that come with parenthood.

So enjoy the happiness in coming full circle, my love. While I loved growing you inside my belly for almost nine months, it sure is rad having you on the outside. We watch with bated breath as you approach your first birthday in a funny crawl-walk hybrid. Always laughing. Our hearts smiling.

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