Full Circle

"Each moment of motherhood, whether they be exhausting and mundane... or magically rewarding, all work together to make up the beautiful tapestry of motherhood we are weaving day by day, crazy minute by crazy minute."

I read this quote recently on another blog and it spoke volumes to me. Phoenix has now lived outside of my body just as long as he was in. It, all at once, feels like forever and a second has gone by. Now that this funny little boy of ours is almost nine months (what?!) old, I feel like I have this whole thing a tiny bit figured out. Just a bit. I'm careful not to get too comfortable with anything, as I have learned that it can change within a day, an hour, or the blink of an eye.

Just last week P was still my gummy mouthed 8 month old with just two little bunny teeth, and all of a sudden he is entering the last quarter of his first year with six big boy teeth. It's bittersweet, as these things go. Every day that passes is one less day that he is my tiny baby and one day closer to being a toddler.

His eagerness to move and be independent is undeniable. At any given time, he is ready to go, see, and do. Constantly exploring and discovering. I love watching him focus on new details and poor over things like ribbon and spatulas for days.

These days are so precious that I find it difficult to keep up with my "old life" sometimes. Tasks that once took an hour now take days, sometimes weeks to finish. Blog posts idle in my drafts folder unfinished, rendering them old news but the time I am ready to update them. Recipes that I want to try sit bookmarked on the coffee table until they are no longer "in season" (how about those valentine's day cookies now?). Our apartment is still unfinished since we moved here in March. But still we savor this season that we are in. These moments with our little one. The slivers of time that feel like they are slipping by too quickly every day.

Our darling little boy is becoming so much sweeter and funnier than we could have imagined. It's true what they say, it does keep getting better. It's strange to remember the beginning, the challenging days. When it felt like it would never be "better" or easier. Those days had no beginning or end. They were an endless stream of sleeplessness and nursing, enveloped in a fog of butterflies-in-the-stomach love. Those days are ones that I will not soon forget. But they were difficult.

Now we don't have as many diapers to change and we sure do laugh a lot. Our challenges are different, and that's okay. We have to watch the little guy all the time, and as daunting as that sounds, it's also an exercise in being present. Often, I find myself trying to watch Phoenix out of the corner of my eye as I am scanning my email or preparing lunch. Even though multitasking is necessary at times, it stops me in my tracks when I look away for a second and I look back and see him looking up at me with the hugest grin on his face. Heart melting. Or I catch him completely engrossed with a wooden spoon. It may take a little longer to prepare lunch but I have to remind myself to slow down, to put away the to-do list, to worry about the blog later.

Some days are so long (and exhausting) but man, the years really are short. It's proven to be the truest cliche of all the cliches that come with parenthood.

So enjoy the happiness in coming full circle, my love. While I loved growing you inside my belly for almost nine months, it sure is rad having you on the outside. We watch with bated breath as you approach your first birthday in a funny crawl-walk hybrid. Always laughing. Our hearts smiling.

These Days

These days are busy. They are challenging. They are full of laughter, tears, and exhaustion. They are perfect.

In the deepest part of my heart, I never imagined how much I would love being a mom. Especially a mom to this little guy. Even on the earliest of mornings or in the middle of a messy dinner, he looks into my eyes and I just fall for him again and again. Does that sound strange? Falling in love with your child. I thought so too before I did. It just happens. It happens when you least expect it and I swear there are moments when it takes my breath away.

P has started crawling and is getting into everything, not unlike a little puppy. It is both sweet and exhausting. The other day I turned around for one second to grab something from the bedroom closet and heard a deep thump as he rolled himself off the bed. He was mostly in shock, let out a loud wail, and started laughing as soon as I picked him up. He's a tough guy, that P. Mama nearly had a heart attack but P just went on with his day. Luckily our bed is very low to the ground.

These days we are playing in the water playground, learning how to walk, and discovering the ocean. P is eating all kinds of summery meals including his absolute favorite foods, watermelon and curry chicken. He is 7 months old and we have traveled to Europe and back, celebrated mama's birthday, and discovered a love of bike riding. He is gurgling, shrieking with laughter, and nervous when I leave the room. He is turning into such a boy right before our eyes. Each day I try to hold on a little bit longer and hold tight my baby boy a little closer. But I see his little brain processing the world and figuring out how this whole thing works more and more.

These days are speeding up as we try desperately to slow them down, every day.

Phoenix Hudson: Month One

Well son, we've made it. One month! Actually, you are six weeks old as I write this but as you will learn one day, time is a fleeting thing. I have already caught myself on the verge of tears thinking about how quickly you are growing dear Phoenix. These past weeks you have filled our home with more laughter and our hearts with more joy than we've ever known.
You've already proven to live up to your name. You are so strong. Since your first week, you've been picking your head up and pushing off of us with your chubby legs. And every time your little head bobbles over or you can't quite grasp something and fall, you pick yourself up and keep trying. Over and over. Like a Phoenix.
These past few weeks you've also been spoiling us with your sweet coos and your delicious smile. You're even laughing! That little laugh makes my heart melt.
You're more alert every day and always observing what is going on around you. You love looking outside when it's too cold to actually go outside in the morning. After we nurse in the morning, you love to lay back down with us and sleepily gave out the window at the first rays of morning sun. Yes, you like to start your day early.
Recently you have been more interested in playing too! You love your playmat with your animal friends. Although you're not interested in sleeping by yourself during the day, we don't mind all that much since you're so snugly. At night you alternate snuggling up to mama and curling up next to papa. It's our favorite.
We are both so blown away with how much you've changed in just one month. Day by day you grow into an even more adventurous and inquisitive little boy. And while I hate to think about quickly this first month has passed we're looking forward to seeing what next month brings!

The greatest challenge this month was breast feeding. It was much harder than I anticipated and we both had trouble for the first couple of weeks. I was so determined to get through it and get better and we did! But not without several plugged ducts which turned into mastitis, and now, a round of antibiotics. Exhausting, but worth it. I can proudly say that you nurse like a champ now! Without any pain or frustration for either of us.

We are lucky that you are a pretty good sleeper at the moment. I say "at the moment" because I have learned in these short six weeks that as soon as you feel like you have something figured out (breast feeding, sleeping, etc.) it can change very quickly! A reoccurring theme as a parent, I'm sure. Anyway, you usually wake up only once a night if we're lucky, twice max. Pretty good buddy!

Other than that we are just head over heels crazy in love with you and so happy you chose to let us be your parents. We love you little fuzzball :)