Monday, October 31, 2011

Phoenix Hudson: Week 2

Our second week with our sweet boy has been just as deliriously lovely as the first. Sometimes I find myself just staring into those wise blue eyes and wondering what he's thinking. If he's absorbing all the ways we tell him that he makes our world go round every day.
And so begins the fleeting journey of a newborn. All day I daydream what it will be like to hear his first giggles and hold hands walking down the street. How excited he will be to kick a soccer ball. If he will like dinosaurs or spaceships. And the larger part of me is trying to soak in this delicious itty baby with all my heart. I know he won't be a dreamy tiny newborn for very long. So I don't mind the night feedings and mountains of diapers. I embrace it. I miss him when he is sleeping. Each night I snuggle him to my chest as close as I can because I know one day he won't let me. He wakes me up with his coos and by grabbing on to the top of my shirt with his tiny hands. My heart melts every time. 2 am, 4 am, whenever.

He's already gained weight from his birth and I can't imagine what he will be like in 3 months or more. I'm not ready to yet.
I know a lot of new parents can't wait to move out of the newborn phase but I feel like I'm holding on for every last moment. 
My tiny boy.
There is no greater feeling than the weight of my child's body resting on my chest. Slowly rising up and down with every small breath. 
Breathing in his pure scent and nuzzling the soft spot on the top of his head gently with my lips. Bliss.
I'll never forget it.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Phoenix Hudson: Week 1

I'm back. Sort of.
I'm back as a new mom.
A busy mom.
A mom too busy to blog because I'm more interested in snuggling, kissing, holding, and falling in love with my sweet newborn boy. And napping. Sort of...

Life with this sweet boy has been a whirlwind so far. We are about a week in and S and I have laughed, cried, worried, and grown more in this week then ever before. We have grown not only as partners but as parents to this beautiful creature.

I have been attempting to write my birth story for a few days now. As any new parent knows, you master the one handed typing pretty quickly. But every time I try to find the words to describe that day, I am at a loss. It was so powerful. So raw. So surreal. But I will get there...I will find the words. Hoping to finish soon so I don't get too far away from that feeling. Not lose the emotion that came with that moment.

Here's our first week in photos:

Thursday, October 13, 2011

My Water Broke Last Night

And since then I have been on a one way train to baby town, making every slooooow stop along the way.

By this I mean, there hasn't been much action. Other than eating, resting, and hot showers.

My midwife came by this morning to check in and make sure baby and I were okay. We are. But other than that I have been having not more than some mild contractions, no where near the REAL DEAL.

And so we wait.

Having your water break is different than the movies. I thought it was going to happen and we would be rushing around getting ready. Nope. Just cleaned up and tried to go back to sleep, unsuccessfully. Not too excited.

Sigh. Come on baby! Let's do this!

image via

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

39 Weeks

Still pregnant.
Yes. Stiiiiiiill pregnant.
However, tonight is a full moon and I just ordered some spicy Thai. Let's see how that goes. Hopefully both of these things will kickstart baby boy's arrival.
If you are interested at all about when I go into labor - check my twitter. I'm sure I'll be posting something ridiculous and excited.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Emotional Overload

I keep watching this video and crying. Why? Who knows. But it is a perfect example of how crazy I feel. 

Reflections & Challenges

Pregnancy is challenging. It challenges, of course, your body. First off, you have no idea if you can even become pregnant. Every woman is hoping not to get pregnant for so long that until you finally decide to try, you have no clue if it's even in the cards for you.
Then, for months, you wait in agony until you're in the "clear" for the rest of your pregnancy. You're waiting to hear that you're "safe." I use these words loosely because although there is less of a chance that you'll have a miscarriage, it's entirely possible, as it was for me. Bummer.
By the time you're halfway through you feel those first few incredible flutters. That's when you feel that first magical connection. The first time you feel life. It's amazing.

At this point, you're being challenged emotionally. You're responsible. For making a life. For about 20 more weeks. Here we go...
And so begins the fun journey that is:

  • "Is this really happening?"
  • "Can we do this?"
  • "How much bigger am I going to get?" (Spoiler: A lot.)
  • "Um...I actually have to get this baby out of me?"
Now this pregnancy is challenging your every day. At 38 weeks, everything feels a little more difficult. Half of the time I am starving no matter how much I eat. Equally, I can take three bites and feel like I'm going to explode due to baby pressing down on my stomach.

My yoga pants and leggings are in HEAVY rotation. Yesterday I wore my maternity jeggings to lunch and whined about it all day. Great idea.

I'm sleepy. Like really sleepy. More sleepy than first trimester, when I slept for 12-15 hours. It may have something to do with waking up a million times a night, ridden with anxiety, and baby deciding he is ready to begin his day at six. I know, I know. Prepping, right? Ugh.

My emotions are all over the place. If the bank teller asks me one more time if I'm still pregnant, I'm going to have a meltdown. OBVIOUSLY. Do you think I just gave birth and decided I liked the way it looked to be 9 months pregnant? 

Another challenge is finding time for friends. I know this seems like a no brainer. I have nothing to do but wait at this point right? Theoretically yes...But I have to find time AND energy to put on my leggings, brush my hair, decide if I'm hungry first, did I nap enough, figure out a place to meet within walking distance, sit down and take a break after all that, pee, cry because I'm so tired and not sure it was a good idea to make plans, lay down, have a snack, pee again, brush my hair again, cry because none of my clothes fit, decide if I have to pee again, and finally waddle down the street to meet you, friend. Exhausting, yes? I'm not kidding. This is an every day sequence of events at this point. Combined with contractions at inopportune moments and all around discomfort. 

To round out the whiny whining for the afternoon I will tell you that this has been a difficult year. Pregnancy has been very different than what I expected. But isn't that life? You have no idea how it will be until you're there. I remember feeling that way in college. Thinking, wow, I'm in the middle of this whole thing and this was not what I thought it was going to be. Or starting a new job, getting married, moving to a new get the idea. It always turns out amazing, just somehow different than how you imagined. 

It may seem like it's been a miserable experience but in honestly, I really can't complain. For most of the past nine months I have experienced little more than some initial nausea, sleepiness, and about two weeks of sciatica midway through. I have felt energetic, excited, in love, blessed, beautiful, and honored to be a mama to this little being growing inside me. I have felt closer to S, the universe, other women, my own mom, my body, and God than ever before in my life. 

As much as I am being a whiney pants lately, I am so grateful to be here. At the end of one journey, and almost the beginning of a (much longer) new one. Hopefully baby boy will want to meet us soon. I know I still have the most important part (birth) to look forward to but now that I'm almost there, I can honestly say that it is an incredible experience. To go from peeing on a stick, to feeling your baby move for the first time, seeing your body change, surrender to the process, and trust in your own know that your little person is going to be here soon. It's surreal. 

So, with that said, I am planning on taking the next however long (please come soon!), to reflect on this journey. My first pregnancy, my first child. A year I will never forget. I'm sure the next time will be different and just as special. But I'm in this moment right now, and I'm going to make sure I enjoy it.

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Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Wellness Wednesday: Book Review

My super talented friend, Suzanne, wrote a book! And, in fact, it is a very important book.

From Amazon:

"This book is the go-to place for cancer thrivers who want to begin their journey to healthy living with easy recommendations from a cancer physician and a wellness writer. The After Cancer Diet addresses what to eat, drink and do to remain cancer free for life. You will learn how to eat real food, find more sweetness in life (and less in your food), develop a regular exercise routine, detox your body and lead a happier life with more creativity and joy."

I encourage everyone to read The After Cancer Diet and use it as a tool to build a healthier and more vibrant body and life. Empower yourself in making choices that will keep you and your family cancer and disease free. Also, I was lucky enough to contribute my veggie burger recipe for this book! 

Way to go Suzanne! Thanks for taking the time to share your knowledge and help people on the road to true wellness. Pick up a copy for your e-reader here

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

38 Weeks & Waiting for Baby

38 week belly

I can't shave my legs. I can't reach them while sitting in the bath. And when I'm showering, I have to do some serious maneuvering to get there. Fun.

There are too many times in the day that I find myself saying, "Can you please give me a few more inches? I can't clear that space..." Grumpy face. (Belly too big.)

I can wiggle into my maternity jeggings but let's face it, not necessary. 

So I spend my days and nights pottering around in my yoga pants. Finishing up the last of my to do list, trying to cook all the food remaining in our pantry, packing up the apartment, and basically just waiting.

Waiting for baby.

I've resorted to having daily conversations with baby boy. I've been telling him how much more fun life is on the outside of my belly. I've told him all about his new friends that are being born across the country and all the people excited to meet him. I've even tried to bribe him with the promise of a thousand kisses a day, maybe more. 

He's pretty set, that boy of ours. I don't blame him. It's chilly out here. And you have to do things like laundry and pay your phone bill.

midwife appt

At my midwife appointment the other day, we found out baby was in position and ready to go. I've been having a lot of contractions and showing a lot of early labor signs. Some of which prompted a late night visit from my midwife on Saturday night. Turns out my electrolyte levels were low. But all is good. She just told me to take it easy since baby could be coming at ANY MOMENT. How crazy is that?

So we wait...

Monday, October 3, 2011

Pumpkin Green Smoothie

In light of my last post, I wanted to offer a nice cleansing smoothie to jump start your clean eating and your week, if you choose to do so. Now, don't be discouraged. A lot of people are scared of anything green. Especially a green smoothie. I assure you, this smoothie is the cat's pajamas.

I don't have green smoothies every day. But drink a LOT of smoothies at any time of the day, especially while pregnant. In the beginning of my pregnancy, it was challenging to eat anything. Smoothies were the perfect meal to get me through those first few weeks of constant nausea and an easy way to eat the fruits and vegetables that I couldn't look at otherwise. Ugh.

And then, during the heat of summer, smoothies are always a quick way to have a substantial "meal" without any cooking!

Anyway, I do love them. And here is my current smoothie in rotation. It has spinach. It has pumpkin. It has tons of vitamins and is a tasty way to start your day with a lot of energy.

Pumpkin Green Smoothie

Into blender toss:

  • a handful of spinach or kale
  • 1/4 c of pumpkin puree
  • half of a banana
  • 1 c of milk or non dairy milk
  • 1 T ground flax
  • 2 T almond or peanut butter
  • 2 t pumpkin spice mix
  • 1 date
Blend, Drink, Enjoy!