Wednesday, August 1, 2012

On Being Present...

Everyone says it. Over and over. Even before the baby comes. "Enjoy it. It goes so fast." I have been hearing it since I was pregnant. There's a reason people say it. The days just...go.

Yesterday Phoenix and I went to his nine month well visit. It was a little late this month as his pediatrician was away but nonetheless, I couldn't believe it was his final visit before his ONE YEAR visit. Yes. Unbelievable. Those first few weeks and months there are so many check ups, check ins, and reasons to freak out. Between myself and the baby, it seemed that we were at the doctor every month. (Maybe we were?) When the dust finally settles, you look down and you no longer have a newborn. You have a giggling little baby. And all at one he is rolling, sitting, crawling, and boom - he is mobile.

At nine and half months Phoenix is such a little person. He is this close to walking on his own. He has 6 teeth (and two more on the way) and bites everything - including me. He is so sweet and cuddly and just started giving us real hugs. It kills me when he wraps his tiny little arms around my neck. Pointing his little finger at everything has us entering a new world of communication. He now shows us when he wants to touch something and also when he is thirsty.

He eats everything we offer him. And he insists in feeding himself a lot which is messy but he is so proud of himself. If there is music playing he is bobbing his little head and banging along on something.

Some days and nights are difficult. Teething is no joke. Neither are growing pains. There are some days that Phoenix needs me more than other days. Poor guy is in the midst of cutting two teeth and bed time can sometimes be challenging during this time. Anyway, he wasn't interested at going to bed at his normal bed time and after nursing, singing, rocking, bouncing, shushing, and nursing again for almost an hour, I nearly had a melt down and passed him over to Scott. He then suggested that maybe P wasn't sleepy. This annoyed me. There are some days that I get wrapped up with making dinner, grocery shopping, working from home, mom stuff, baby stuff, etc that I'm just floating between nap time and bed time. I look forward to my own time.

After Scott said that, we sat on the bed with Phoenix and played a little. Some quiet, before bed playing. He was so happy and being so sweet. Hugging us and chatting. I slowly felt all my tensions melting away and focusing on this sweet time with our family.

It's so easy to mistake the normalcy of our days as boring or the same as the last day. But they are not. When I take a moment to step back and look at my little family and how we've changed in these past nine months, it amazes me. We have a rhythm. We have little routines and games that only us three understand. Scott and I have developed rituals as parents and Phoenix has truly become the biggest and brightest part of our day. When I look back on this past year, I can't pinpoint the moments when he got "older." He doesn't look like the same baby from last week, even. That why I must be present.

It's a practice. Just like patience is. I have to practice focusing on the "boring" days. The normal ones. Because these are the most special ones. The moments that stop me in my tacks sometimes, because they are so beautiful. Like my husband and son, playing on our bed, in the dusky light of summer. Giggling and loving one another. Seeing the beauty in the every day.


  1. "It's so easy to mistake the normalcy of our days as boring or the same as the last day"

    this sentence and those last two paragraphs capture perfectly stay-at-home-motherhood. it was very timely for me to read this. thank you.

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