this is the place

(Future soccer star)

I wrote several posts in the last few weeks. Long ones. About our holidays. A reflection on 2012. Blah, blah, blah. I didn't post any of them. Why? They felt forced. There have been a lot of other things going on behind the scenes and writing felt like a nuisance instead of therapeutic. Not good, not bad, just a lot of things that need to get checked off my list. Also: molars. Ugh. Can I get a hug from all of you who have children with teeth? Also, can we all have a shot together? One for every night I've been up multiple times in the last month. Ha!

So, that's where we are at. Trying to make good on the intentions I set for this fresh new year. Shooting for the starts. All of it. 

Scott is eating vegan for the month. Cleansing after the ridiculous amount of delicious, decadent meals and alcohol we consumed over the past few weeks. I am not eating vegan but I am basically eating the same meals that I am making him with some eggs added in or some cheese crumbled on top. I also made chicken soup for Phoenix and I the other day. Why am I not eating vegan with him? Honestly, it's a little more difficult for me over the winter. According to Ayurveda, the colder months should consist of warming grounding foods like roasted root vegetables as well as heartier meat dishes. Warming foods. Not that vegan foods can't be warming or grounding. They absolutely can. I just find that when I am feeling low on energy and cold, I feel better eating soups made with animal protein and eggs. Anyway, that's what we are eating. In the warmer months, I could survive on raw fruit and salads day after day. 

Speaking of eating, as little P is in the  midst of teething (poor guy) he has little interest in eating. He is a really good eater and enjoys a variety of foods so it is frustrating to make him meals and see him push them aside and whine. So I made him muffins. Baby muffins. I will post the recipe this week. They are full of fruits, veggies, and protein and have no sugar. They are soft and baby sized. He loves them and they don't mess with his tender mouth. Sounds good, huh? I am currently on my 6th mini muffin with sunflower butter. If I don't eat them all tonight, I will take a photo in the morning and post the recipe.

This is all very nonsensical, I know. Stay with me. I am getting back to regular writing. I just had to get back on the saddle, as they say. I will be posting more Mom's Club. I have had some amazing submissions, if you want to participate, email me. Also, I cut my hair. Done. Finally. And life is better. So much better. Ummm I guess I will try to take a photo this week. That is all for now. Must go take photos of hair and muffins. xo

1/52 & 2/52

(Obviously excited to be out with mom)

(He's looking more and more like a little boy every day.)

"A portrait of my child, once a week, every week, in 2013."

Most of you read Jodi's blog right? If not, you should. She is such a talented mama and has a beautiful family whom she photographs and shares on her space each week. I was so inspired by her beautiful photos all year long that I decided to join her this year in posting a portrait of Phoenix every week. My intention is to be held accountable of taking a great photo each week and to hopefully improve my photography. Here is the first one and the second one too, since I'm late. Womp womp.

Mom Hair

(via)

We're supposed to be talking about the holidays, right? How lovely they were. How magical it is to see Christmas through the eyes of our children. How grateful we are for all the nice gifts we received and the time spent together. Yes, yes, and yes.

Phew. Now that we got that out of the way...let's move onto more important things. Like hair.

I distinctly remember being a young kid and thinking that some of my friends moms would look much prettier if their hair wan't so short. It wasn't anything against them. They were all wonderful. Baking cookies for us after school and shuttling us to and from soccer/the beach/everywhere. I just wondered why they chose to wear their hair in such a way that resembled a, um, mulletish type style or crew cut. You know what I mean...

Now, I get it. I really get it.

You see, all of these moms were busy. They were great moms. Which meant they were helping out at school, cooking, driving to and from each child's recital or game, and all the while holding down a house with 2-4 kids/dogs/and husbands. Wow.

I have fairly long hair. It's on the fine side. We live in an area where we walk everywhere daily. (Read: it's windy!) My child thinks it's pretty amusing to pull my hair occasionally. Do you see where I'm going with this?

This leaves me dreaming of short hair. Easy hair styles. I know...how momish of me. I never thought I would think of changing my hair just to make my life easier. I always thought women who used that excuse were just lazy. Not that I ever had any truly difficult to maintain hair styles. But I find that, these days, I'm just washing my hair and throwing it up in a top knot or a side braid every day.

My question is: Is it even worth it? Honestly, I hate wearing my hair lose/down, lately. For Christmas Eve, I blew out and curled it. Looked fabulous but took roughly 40 minutes. There's no way I'm even close to doing that every day. I've had short hair (chin length) before so I know it suits me and I like it enough. Now, it just gets tangled while I chase P in the playground, knotty in the wind, and yanked out on a daily basis. Ouch.

Have you ever considered cutting your hair because it's just another things to maintain everyday? Do your kids pull your hair? Do you think this is all ridiculous?

Merry Christmas

Wishing all my lovely readers and their families a cozy Christmas wherever you are. I hope you find some time to be with people you love, fill your bellies with tasty treats, and drink up all the love surrounding you this season. 

xoxo

K

PS – My adorable husband designed this card with little P on it. Isn't it cute?

Silence

I wasn't really sure I wanted to address this but I just wanted to put down some words. The shooting in Connecticut is a tragedy, for sure. I have nothing to say that would make it seem lighter, but what I can say is this: hold those little ones tight. Live each day with them. Agree to every request for hugs and snuggles and sloppy kisses.

“Making the decision to have a child – It’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” - Elizabeth Stone

Mom's Group V.1

(Forever making silly sounds and faces.)

Okay, so here it goes. As I mentioned, my purpose on PH&C is shifting. I want to provide meaningful posts and build more of a community, amongst all the cute photos of my kid and stories about us. As much as I love browsing other blogs with style posts and crafts so gorgeous they make you curse yourself, I feel like it's time to get real. I'm talking to you, with your perfectly stylized photos and very clean child in an all white outfit. (Why do they even sell white clothes for toddlers? I'll never understand.) I'm not saying we need to air our dirty laundry. But, truthfully, we need each other. We need to know more about each other than our favorite pair of tights or what we ate for lunch. I say this because truthfully, parenting is difficult. (Shocker, I know.) And when I've already witnessed a toddler meltdown, cleaned up pee off the floor, and it's only 9 am, I need to know that you understand. Are you with me? 

So, I'm asking my favorite ladies to speak up. Share our challenges. We can all virtually hold each other's hands and eat ice cream out of the carton together. (Also wine, there must always be wine.)

I'm asking every one participating to feel free to be as open or discreet as they like. As this is an exercise in authenticity, I am encouraging all to share as much as they feel comfortable putting out there. Some of these questions are pretty loaded and broad so answer as you wish. I think that if other mom's can join us in our challenges and successes, we feel like we are in this whole crazy parenting thing together.

Without further ado, here are my own answers and the very first installment of Mom's Group. 

My name is Karolina. My son is Phoenix and he is about 14 months old. We (along with my husband) live in Brooklyn, NYC.

1. How has being a mother inspired you?

I used to hear other parents saying how much having children inspired them to be better people and always found that so obnoxious. I felt like it was so strange to let that be the catalyst for wanting to be "good." But I find it to be so true. While I haven't had an actual moment when I thought, "Gee, I really want to be a better person for P." I found myself evolving. And what does "good" mean, really? I guess for me, I feel more inspired to live my personal definition of a good person, daughter, friend, wife, and mother. I am inspired to show him the beauty of the everyday and how incredible his life is. But I digress. 

I feel inspired to be a complete person, in spite of such a huge part of me being mom all day, every day. I want my child to know me as not only his mama, but as a woman who had a wholly fulfilling life, in addition to the fulfillment of motherhood. 

2. What is the greatest challenge of having a child?

Okay, this question is huge. I could say that the greatest challenges for me have been:

- the change in social life. I never thought being surrounded by 8 million people would be so lonely. While I have a group of mom friends that i see quite a bit and a few in particular that have become good friends, I still feel like I know all the baristas at my local coffee shops all too well. Most days, I am desperate for adult interaction. I know what you're thinking, why don't I go out with my friends? Why don't Scott and I go out to dinner? Up until recently, it was really difficult to leave Phoenix. He is so attached to me that it takes Scott forever to calm him down at night. My mom has babysat before and I've gone out a few times but we never felt comfortable leaving him for a sitter for the majority of his first year. These days his nights are much better and he is not nursing as much, which makes a huge difference.

-identity. I didn't think that this would bother me as much as it does now. Before P was born, I had a career as a personal chef, that I loved. I made my own money and got to be creative every day. It was very fulfilling. I knew that I wanted to give that up to become a mom. And for the majority of the last year it hadn't bothered me. Now that a lot of my mom friends have returned to work and have picked up right where they left off I am feeling confused. When I was pregnant, I didn't think I would miss working at all. And in those early months I couldn't even imagine how that would work. But now I feel really annoyed when I see old friends (usually child less) whom ask me what else I am doing besides being with P full time. Huh? I don't want to get all passive aggressive about this, and while I do have other projects going on, that question is infuriating. 

3. Is motherhood how you imagined it would be when you were pregnant?

Yes and no. I knew it would be a heart breaking kind of love. I knew I would fall in love with P over and over again day after day. I knew that in one day I would be capable of being over the moon with happiness and frustrated with feeling alone. That's the person I am. But I didn't know how physical it would all be. I wasn't prepared for such an energetic-all-the-time little creature. I didn't know I would be jealous of my husband for going to a work event. But, for the most part, it is even better than I imagined it would be. My days are so full of love, laughter, and learning. I have learned a lot about the person I am and the woman I want to be. It's true that our children really do force us to slow down and appreciate little things. I appreciate that.

4. How has your marriage been affected since becoming a parent?

Well, in many ways we have become closer than ever. We have argued more this past year than in all the years we have been together. I don't think there's any way around that. But with the arguing and talking comes learning and growing. (So cheesy, I know.) But it's true. When we married, I felt like we really became a team. But now that we have this little person in our lives we are truly a family. And that puts a lot of pressure on us, I think. Scott works all day to support us, while I work all day being with P. By the end of the day we are wiped out. I know that is nothing new for most every family but you don't really understand the exhaustion until you are in that place. While it's nice to have even a bit of alone time together in the evenings, it's useless if it's only spent watching tv on the computer. We try to be more intentional with how we spend our one-on-one time these days. It's much better that way. I could go on and on about marriage and parenting. I guess that's why there are whole books about it...

5. How tidy is your home? (Come on! We all want to know!)

Depends on the day, or hour, really. We try to put our toys and books away after we are done playing with them but it doesn't always happen. I try to clean during nap times but sometimes I just need to sit down and work/eat/decompress so sometimes I need an extra day. Once in a while my mom comes for the day, which means I get to do exciting things like wipe down the base boards. Thrilling. While housework isn't what really drives me, it does give me a strange sense of control in this crazy season in my life. I was never a really messy person but these days I feel like if the house is in mostly decent shape and the dishes are put away, I've accomplished something. I'm constantly trying to get rid of "stuff" that we don't need or use as well. 

*BONUS* One line of your best advice for anyone expecting/new parents:

Treat your kid like an individual. Every baby/child is unique and what your book says or what your friend's kid did may not apply to your child. If you try something that is "supposed" to work and it doesn't, maybe there's a reason. Really get to know your child's needs and you'll see that maybe the reason they are/ are not doing _____ is because they are not ready or a host of other reasons. Think about that when you are getting frustrated in the middle of the night with a screaming baby. Try something else or just listen to your heart. You'll know what feels right.

So there you have it. Phew. That feels good. Fell free to post your thoughts and answer along in the comments. If you would like to be apart of this project, please email me. I've got some incredible mom's coming up with thoughtful answers.

If I'm Being Honest...

(Photos from Florida last week)

Sometimes these days are challenging. Today was one of them. Teething, changing schedules, and being a growing toddler is trying for both baby and mama. We just got back from being in Florida for a week, which was lovely. But if you think traveling with a toddler is difficult, coming home is even more stressful. Being lax with your schedule while away is relaxing while you're away, but getting that loose schedule back on track when you get home is not fun. I am exhausted today, to say the least.

Anyway, my point was to write about honestly. So often I sit down to blog when I feel most like ranting or complaining. (See above.) But that's not the energy I want to put into this space. Writing is most definitely therapeutic for me, but this little blog is a special place, not just to dump my worries and stresses.

With that said, most moms I know have challenges they face. We have unexpected hurdles each day. (Hi molars...) Our children teach us to slow down and to surrender control most of the time. Our struggles as women, mothers, wives, etc are nothing new, but each of our stories is unique.

Instead of ranting, I propose we share our struggles. Create a space for positive feedback and advice. Non judgement. After all, if we are willing to put ourselves out there, to share what we are most vulnerable about, we need a safe community to accept us.

In the next few weeks, I will be posting a series of Q & A's with some of my favorite voices in mom blog world. These women are intentional, honest, and unique moms. Each with her own story to share. I hope you join in the conversation. Share your own struggles and be honest about your own goals.
We can all hold ourselves accountable! This will be an ongoing project that I hope opens up a greater dialogue.

xo
Karolina

Thoughts on Blogging

Hello. I've been away from here, I know. I've been doing a bit of soul searching in regards to this blog. What is it about? Why am I here? What started as a scrapbook of our wedding, then pregnancy, and Phoenix's first year of life has now become sort of a hodge podge of my life, inspiration, and information. And that's fine, but I want to utilize this space better. I was it to be a space full of hope. Most importantly, I want my posts to be thoughtful and written with intention. Often, I feel that I should be posting something on here so I don't fall off the internet grid. And in doing that, sometimes I am not being sincere. I love fashion but do not have the time or patience to set up my tripod and take photos of myself. Also, I'm pretty sure you guys would be surprised by how many things I can pair with leggings.
And although I am a professional cook and love posting recipes, a food blogger, I am not. Again, tripods, lighting, food styling....doesn't work most days with a 13 month old.

So I will stop beating myself up over not posting these "cool and interesting" things. I will instead focus on what is on my mind and in my heart write now.

My authentic self hopes to write posts about the struggles of parenthood, the beauty in that struggle, and how we can achieve more happiness in the simplicity of our lives. I want to talk to other women whom I admire and hear their stories. I want to have a dialogue about how we can empower ourselves to focus on the good, the love, and the magic in our lives. Oh, and food. Definitely food.

There are so many blogs I love reading and that inspire me with the purpose they have. As much as I love posting about my sweet little bug and his many adventures, I realize that having a platform is a true opportunity and I don't want to let this moment pass me by.

I am rambling a bit but the baby is asleep and I wanted to get these thoughts down. I wanted to hold myself accountable. I'm not posting a list of all the things I hope to achieve now or write about. Just setting an intention and setting off to begin this new project.

Please let me know if you have any interest in being a part of this dialogue. Let's open this up!

xo
K

Feeding The World

Catastrophes are everywhere, sadly. Unfortunately, we just experienced hurricane Sandy here in NYC. It was brutal, to say the least. (I will post more on this later.) But there are more than just natural disasters claiming people's lives. In Niger, nearly one in two children is malnourished. And worse, one in six dies before reaching the age of five. Heart breaking. That is just one story of many.

While I am unbelievably grateful that I am able to provide my own child with wholesome and nourishing food, not every parent is so fortunate. Many families around the world feed their families on just pennies a day and often are not able to provide many nutritious foods. Farmers are struggling to stay afloat and more and more food is being thrown away in the US every day. These are all things we hear about but more of us need to take action.

Not too long ago, Oxfam contacted me to speak out about their GROW method campaign. 

Seems simple enough right? Now there is no giveaway this time. No prize on the blog for most food reduction. There is no donations to make. Your actions speak for themselves. Not convinced? Here are some more facts:

• If your family eats meatless one day a week you save the equivalent of 17 bathtubs of clean water.

• 8% of the WORLD’s clean water goes toward meat production. That is a lot to people who have 0% water  daily. Think about that.

• If Americans living in Urban areas bought just 2 Fair Trade chocolate bars a month, you would benefit 30,000 small scale cocoa farmers. Isn't that enough incentive?

• In the US alone we throw 27 million apples in the trash a year. 1/3 of our plates every day goes to waste. Imagine how many people could eat on what we throw in our trash. This is why shopping smarter helps more than just farmers.

Now I challenge you to take steps to help feed the world. Sounds a little daunting, huh? It doesn't have to be. Here is an easy discussion guide. And here is more info on what else you can do.
Food is something all of us think about several times a day. What will he have for lunch? What snacks should I pack in my child's lunch box? Take a step back and think about having those options taken away from you. That's how life is for millions of people. Think about that.




This post (and my sharing on social media) was inspired by my participation in a compensated program initiated by Women Online/The Mission List to raise awareness about Oxfam America's GROW Method. All commentary and opinions are, of course, my own.