mom's group v.3

(Look at that tiny pony tail - Working it, Ramona!)

In this new installment of mom's group, I'm excited to feature Emily of A Denver Home Companion. She and her husband grow their own vegetables, raise a few cute farm animals,  and above all - an adorable little lady named Ramona. Her husband also owns and works at some stellar looking restos in Denver. If you are in the area, check them out! And please stop by Emily's blog and say hello. She is lovely and I really appreciate her honest writing. Also, Emily taught me how to clean my house more efficiently! Boom. For that, I am truly grateful. Thanks again friend! Happy to have you here.

-your name, children's names, and ages

emily power, 27

ramona marilyn, 17 months

1. How has being a mother inspired you?

i get a lot more done as a mother. sometimes, i wonder how i do it all. most often i think: what the hell did i DO before i had a baby? i don't say that to mean that i'm a super-mama but rather that i am much more efficient with my time now that i have a little one with which i share my time. before baby, there was lots of free time for hanging around and putting stuff off. now, i have to rely on the quiet moments in between hanging out with the little bean. ramona has inspired me to get a lot more done in my free time (aka nap time) bc if she's awake, we're together and then i don't get much emily-time. so my online business has thrived more (ollie's vintage, an etsy shop for baby clothes), my house is cleaner, and my blogging has been more consistent. i do most of this during nap time or bedtime and these are things i wasn't good about making time for before she came along. i don't suppose this is normal bc i know a lot of mamas talk about struggling w getting things done that don't necessarily include "mothering," but for me, i have only one small child (i've heard it's exponentially harder with more than one!) and it worked this way! to that end, i also have a husband that loves to cook (so i don't have to as much) and a VERY small house (so cleaning isn't a huge task). 

additionally, and i think this is huge for me since i haven't met many mamas like this, i didn't have a career before i had a baby. i graduated college with two degrees and have done NOTHING with them. i'm also relatively young. most mamas i've met in play dates, etc. had something going on for them that they had to juggle once they had a baby. they had careers, or commitments, or deadlines, or some sort of livelihoods that they had worked hard for and/or had to get back to. i certainly applaud and, a lot of times, envy that. before i could ever get to that point, circumstances led my husband and i on a journey of lucky happenstance: we met, married, moved from the midwest to avoid winter, took the first jobs offered in denver to pay the bills, and next thing you know, we're pregnant and have a baby and are working to make ends meet. (now, things are a little different). ALL THAT TO SAY, having ramona inspired me to FIND WHAT I LOVED outside of the home.  truthfully, i got bored being at home all the time, especially once ramona wasn't nursing as much and wasn't as dependent on me. but i didn't have anything to fall back on bc i was relatively young to have a baby compared to all of my peers and i didn't have a job or goal that would push back the timeline of having a baby or encourage me returning to a career. she inspired me to find a little niche in my world outside of her that could contribute to our family's wellbeing, happiness, quality of life, AND to use my skills outside of the home, while also allowing me to continue being very involved in her upbringing. i found that by supporting my husband in opening two restaurants and then finding a role within these businesses that made sense for myself and our family (i do administrative, hiring, media relations, and accounting for our two businesses and absolutely love it. i get quiet time each morning away from home to work on these things and then get to be back to "be mama" before noon). 

2. What is the greatest challenge of having a child?

the greatest challenge of having a child, especially of having a 17 month old, is to try to be on my best behavior. ramona is at a point where she is repeating EVERY. SINGLE. WORD. OR. SOUND. I. SAY. this means arguments--even those silly innocuous ones you have with our lover, probably daily-- need to be tempered or censored or buffered if the wee one is around. she hears our tones and our thrills and our shrills and our responses and our reactions. even when i hurt myself accidentally by stubbing my toe: not only do i need to watch myself saying "DAMNIT!" but also how i react. bc i love to overreact. and i don't want her to see that all the time bc sometimes how i act is SO unnecessary. and it's a good lesson for me to be aware of how strongly i am reacting to silly things. but it's hard too, and i'd love to sometimes not have a little, impressionable child taking in every thing i do and say and respond to and react to, but i don't have a choice. she's there. always. even when she's older than 18. and i'd like to think i'm a perfect role model or at least the best role model for her. but it's a big challenge knowing that most likely i will make decisions or mistakes that may negatively affect her. 

3. Is motherhood how you imagined it would be when you were pregnant?

this is going to sound incredibly sappy and some mamas may want to slap me. but ramona is as awesome, and probably more, than i ever imagined a daughter of mine could be. i had no illusions how hard parenthood could and would be (now if only they'd mention the same things about marriage) so i think (though hindsight is 20/20) that nothing so hard lasted too long. sure, she requires round the clock love and attention and didn't sleep through the night until she was a year. and i'm still nursing her and she still requires constant supervision when she's awake and i can't go out whenever i want to bc, hell, who'll watch the baby?! but, honestly? this girl is so great (except for months 10 thru 11 where she was constantly teething and wanted nothing to do with me). she's got sass, and independence, and intelligence. and she's healthy, and gives kisses, and says "mama" and "papa" and hugs me back. she thinks belly buttons are hilarious and likes sticking her finger in my nose. if i dare say the word "shower," she's tromping off to the bathroom trying to take off her clothes and jump in there with me. motherhood is WAY more than i imagined it would be. it's better. it's having this little product of myself and my best friend and who seems, so far at least, to have the best qualities of the both of us.  and who walks and talks and giggles and plays and is another member of the powerdriver family. she's a ham. motherhood, for the record, really is better for me than i ever thought it would be. 

4. How has your marriage been affected since becoming a parent?

our marriage is more serious now. serious in the way like: if anything were to change drastically, shit, we've got a little one to think about. in some ways, it has brought my husband, JP, and I so much closer together. in other ways, it's put a wedge between us. sex is not the same. we have not quite bounced back yet. i'll leave it at that in case more sensitive eyes are reading. but also, emotionally, i'm not able to put as much attention and care to my husband as i'd like bc there's another one vying for that attention. some mamas seem to know how to balance it. i haven't figured that out yet. but i am blessed and oh-so grateful for a hubby that's understanding and open to conversation about these sorts of things. we fight. every single day. and sometimes the arguments are fruitful and sometimes they are silly and petty and asinine. but we work to figure it out and do our damnedest to give each other the space and time to understand where the other person is coming from. and always to respect each other, our home, and the family we've created. i really couldn't ask for a better partner, which is why, even when things are SO different than before ramona joined our family, i've got a lot of faith in Us. 

5. How tidy is your home? (Come on! We all want to know!)

i do not identify with sayings that resemble the following: “Good mothers have sticky floors, filthy ovens and happy kids.” it seems to put down the mother who insists on a clean and tidy home; the mother who cleans up after a day of a house filled with kids. 

i believe that matter of a person that prefers things picked-up and tidy is more of a personality thing vs a "better mother" thing. and i'm really sorry to the mothers out there that feel some sort of pressure to keep a spotless house bc they think they will be judged if otherwise. i say, do what feels natural to you! if you're ok w cheerios from breakfast on the ground or toys spilling out this way and that after a productive day of playing. go on with your bad self! 

i,  however, am of the mama camp that will sweep up the cheerios (or encourage the dog to eat them) and will put the toys away once the kids go down for a nap (bc i cannot sit on the couch or dining roolm table eyeing that mess out of the corner of my eye). 

as i mentioned before, our home is small (572 sq feet!) so it's really not that hard to keep it tidy.  don't get me wrong: there's a shit ton of dust under the sofa. moving the couch is a painintheassthingtodo and i reserve for days when it gets so bad i have to stop being in denial. and there's always a pile of paperwork and magazines on our credenza. and dirty dishes are constantly in the sink (woes of not having a dishwasher). but honestly (and please don't hate me, mamas), i'm able to make the bed in the morning (or my hubby does. whoever is last out of bed is our family rule), the floors are regularly swept (what else do you do to entertain the kiddos?!), and toys are put away after they're played with (no, i have not trained my toddler to do it and no i don't have a robot that follows her around. it's me on my hands and knees). like i said, we live in a small space and if it wasn't relatively well-kempt, i'd go crazy. i keep it, if not tidy, organized, and that's good enough for me.

*BONUS* One line of your best advice for anyone expecting/new parents:

two, pretty please!

1. do not read the books. read the baby. (i read ina may gaskin's guide to childbirth for ramona's birth and the art of breastfeeding to learn how to get those milk machines working. other than that, i've sworn away childrearing books and have relied on my instinct, my husband and his intimate knowledge of our daughter, other mothers i respect and trust,  and time to make it all better). 

2. if something is working, do it. until it doesn't. and then find something that does. (for instance, we shared a bed with ramona until she was 11 months old and it was amazing. and then it wasn't. so we put her in a crib. and it went back to being amazing.)

You can find Emily at:

www.adenverhomecompanion.com

olliesvintage.etsy.com

twitter: @eopower

pinterest: @eopower

mom's group v.2

One of my most favorite blog ladies and mama's, Bekah, is featured today on mom's group. I couldn't be happier. I adore Bekah's blog, My Little Loves, and she is a daily source of inspiration from her honest and vulnerable posts, to her boho fashion posts. She reminds me to live simply, be present, and that less really is more. She has a beautiful family, complete with two adorable daughter and lights up her little corner of the internet with light and love. 

Your name, children's names, and ages: Bekah, Ocean (3) and Luna (1)

1. How has being a mother inspired you? Oh man, being a mother has changed me in every way. I am inspired everyday to be kinder and more patient than I was the day before.

2. What is the greatest challenge of having a child? The above? Having to model what I am teaching. You can't teach someone patience if you aren't being patient. I struggle so much with that.

3. Is motherhood how you imagined it would be when you were pregnant? In some ways, yes and others no. Mostly, with Ocean. Her being my first and all. Ocean was a much, much more difficult baby than Luna, but being my first I always wondered if it were me. Was I doing something terribly wrong? Ocean never wanted to be cuddled, she was never really a baby. She wanted independence from a young age and that was very difficult for me to grapple with as a first time mom. 

4. How has your marriage been affected since becoming a parent? Since we have been parents almost from the moment we moved in together it can be hard to separate the experiences. Our marriage has survived a lot, kids do put more stress there but at the end of the day we are each others retreat. The one thing I miss is spontaneous trips together. I miss sleeping in and long nights spent together. Our life still has a lot of spontaneity and fun, but it is definitely something I miss on a daily basis.

5. How tidy is your home? (Come on! We all want to know!) In the middle. I try to keep it as minimalist as possible. I get rid of stuff constantly and we rarely go shopping. When we do I am very selective about what we will and won't buy. If you don't have much its hard for a house to get too overwhelmingly messy. I also try and keep chores done (tidying immediately after meals, laundry put away immediately, etc) and it helps a bunch. My girls room stays messy and so does my living room, it seems at least.

*BONUS* One line of your best advice for anyone expecting/new parents: Comparison is the thief of joy. Just enjoy every moment and don't compare it to what you expected or what it seems like others experiences are.

 Thanks so much Bekah! xo

Mom's Group V.1

(Forever making silly sounds and faces.)

Okay, so here it goes. As I mentioned, my purpose on PH&C is shifting. I want to provide meaningful posts and build more of a community, amongst all the cute photos of my kid and stories about us. As much as I love browsing other blogs with style posts and crafts so gorgeous they make you curse yourself, I feel like it's time to get real. I'm talking to you, with your perfectly stylized photos and very clean child in an all white outfit. (Why do they even sell white clothes for toddlers? I'll never understand.) I'm not saying we need to air our dirty laundry. But, truthfully, we need each other. We need to know more about each other than our favorite pair of tights or what we ate for lunch. I say this because truthfully, parenting is difficult. (Shocker, I know.) And when I've already witnessed a toddler meltdown, cleaned up pee off the floor, and it's only 9 am, I need to know that you understand. Are you with me? 

So, I'm asking my favorite ladies to speak up. Share our challenges. We can all virtually hold each other's hands and eat ice cream out of the carton together. (Also wine, there must always be wine.)

I'm asking every one participating to feel free to be as open or discreet as they like. As this is an exercise in authenticity, I am encouraging all to share as much as they feel comfortable putting out there. Some of these questions are pretty loaded and broad so answer as you wish. I think that if other mom's can join us in our challenges and successes, we feel like we are in this whole crazy parenting thing together.

Without further ado, here are my own answers and the very first installment of Mom's Group. 

My name is Karolina. My son is Phoenix and he is about 14 months old. We (along with my husband) live in Brooklyn, NYC.

1. How has being a mother inspired you?

I used to hear other parents saying how much having children inspired them to be better people and always found that so obnoxious. I felt like it was so strange to let that be the catalyst for wanting to be "good." But I find it to be so true. While I haven't had an actual moment when I thought, "Gee, I really want to be a better person for P." I found myself evolving. And what does "good" mean, really? I guess for me, I feel more inspired to live my personal definition of a good person, daughter, friend, wife, and mother. I am inspired to show him the beauty of the everyday and how incredible his life is. But I digress. 

I feel inspired to be a complete person, in spite of such a huge part of me being mom all day, every day. I want my child to know me as not only his mama, but as a woman who had a wholly fulfilling life, in addition to the fulfillment of motherhood. 

2. What is the greatest challenge of having a child?

Okay, this question is huge. I could say that the greatest challenges for me have been:

- the change in social life. I never thought being surrounded by 8 million people would be so lonely. While I have a group of mom friends that i see quite a bit and a few in particular that have become good friends, I still feel like I know all the baristas at my local coffee shops all too well. Most days, I am desperate for adult interaction. I know what you're thinking, why don't I go out with my friends? Why don't Scott and I go out to dinner? Up until recently, it was really difficult to leave Phoenix. He is so attached to me that it takes Scott forever to calm him down at night. My mom has babysat before and I've gone out a few times but we never felt comfortable leaving him for a sitter for the majority of his first year. These days his nights are much better and he is not nursing as much, which makes a huge difference.

-identity. I didn't think that this would bother me as much as it does now. Before P was born, I had a career as a personal chef, that I loved. I made my own money and got to be creative every day. It was very fulfilling. I knew that I wanted to give that up to become a mom. And for the majority of the last year it hadn't bothered me. Now that a lot of my mom friends have returned to work and have picked up right where they left off I am feeling confused. When I was pregnant, I didn't think I would miss working at all. And in those early months I couldn't even imagine how that would work. But now I feel really annoyed when I see old friends (usually child less) whom ask me what else I am doing besides being with P full time. Huh? I don't want to get all passive aggressive about this, and while I do have other projects going on, that question is infuriating. 

3. Is motherhood how you imagined it would be when you were pregnant?

Yes and no. I knew it would be a heart breaking kind of love. I knew I would fall in love with P over and over again day after day. I knew that in one day I would be capable of being over the moon with happiness and frustrated with feeling alone. That's the person I am. But I didn't know how physical it would all be. I wasn't prepared for such an energetic-all-the-time little creature. I didn't know I would be jealous of my husband for going to a work event. But, for the most part, it is even better than I imagined it would be. My days are so full of love, laughter, and learning. I have learned a lot about the person I am and the woman I want to be. It's true that our children really do force us to slow down and appreciate little things. I appreciate that.

4. How has your marriage been affected since becoming a parent?

Well, in many ways we have become closer than ever. We have argued more this past year than in all the years we have been together. I don't think there's any way around that. But with the arguing and talking comes learning and growing. (So cheesy, I know.) But it's true. When we married, I felt like we really became a team. But now that we have this little person in our lives we are truly a family. And that puts a lot of pressure on us, I think. Scott works all day to support us, while I work all day being with P. By the end of the day we are wiped out. I know that is nothing new for most every family but you don't really understand the exhaustion until you are in that place. While it's nice to have even a bit of alone time together in the evenings, it's useless if it's only spent watching tv on the computer. We try to be more intentional with how we spend our one-on-one time these days. It's much better that way. I could go on and on about marriage and parenting. I guess that's why there are whole books about it...

5. How tidy is your home? (Come on! We all want to know!)

Depends on the day, or hour, really. We try to put our toys and books away after we are done playing with them but it doesn't always happen. I try to clean during nap times but sometimes I just need to sit down and work/eat/decompress so sometimes I need an extra day. Once in a while my mom comes for the day, which means I get to do exciting things like wipe down the base boards. Thrilling. While housework isn't what really drives me, it does give me a strange sense of control in this crazy season in my life. I was never a really messy person but these days I feel like if the house is in mostly decent shape and the dishes are put away, I've accomplished something. I'm constantly trying to get rid of "stuff" that we don't need or use as well. 

*BONUS* One line of your best advice for anyone expecting/new parents:

Treat your kid like an individual. Every baby/child is unique and what your book says or what your friend's kid did may not apply to your child. If you try something that is "supposed" to work and it doesn't, maybe there's a reason. Really get to know your child's needs and you'll see that maybe the reason they are/ are not doing _____ is because they are not ready or a host of other reasons. Think about that when you are getting frustrated in the middle of the night with a screaming baby. Try something else or just listen to your heart. You'll know what feels right.

So there you have it. Phew. That feels good. Fell free to post your thoughts and answer along in the comments. If you would like to be apart of this project, please email me. I've got some incredible mom's coming up with thoughtful answers.