Full Circle

"Each moment of motherhood, whether they be exhausting and mundane... or magically rewarding, all work together to make up the beautiful tapestry of motherhood we are weaving day by day, crazy minute by crazy minute."

I read this quote recently on another blog and it spoke volumes to me. Phoenix has now lived outside of my body just as long as he was in. It, all at once, feels like forever and a second has gone by. Now that this funny little boy of ours is almost nine months (what?!) old, I feel like I have this whole thing a tiny bit figured out. Just a bit. I'm careful not to get too comfortable with anything, as I have learned that it can change within a day, an hour, or the blink of an eye.

Just last week P was still my gummy mouthed 8 month old with just two little bunny teeth, and all of a sudden he is entering the last quarter of his first year with six big boy teeth. It's bittersweet, as these things go. Every day that passes is one less day that he is my tiny baby and one day closer to being a toddler.

His eagerness to move and be independent is undeniable. At any given time, he is ready to go, see, and do. Constantly exploring and discovering. I love watching him focus on new details and poor over things like ribbon and spatulas for days.

These days are so precious that I find it difficult to keep up with my "old life" sometimes. Tasks that once took an hour now take days, sometimes weeks to finish. Blog posts idle in my drafts folder unfinished, rendering them old news but the time I am ready to update them. Recipes that I want to try sit bookmarked on the coffee table until they are no longer "in season" (how about those valentine's day cookies now?). Our apartment is still unfinished since we moved here in March. But still we savor this season that we are in. These moments with our little one. The slivers of time that feel like they are slipping by too quickly every day.

Our darling little boy is becoming so much sweeter and funnier than we could have imagined. It's true what they say, it does keep getting better. It's strange to remember the beginning, the challenging days. When it felt like it would never be "better" or easier. Those days had no beginning or end. They were an endless stream of sleeplessness and nursing, enveloped in a fog of butterflies-in-the-stomach love. Those days are ones that I will not soon forget. But they were difficult.

Now we don't have as many diapers to change and we sure do laugh a lot. Our challenges are different, and that's okay. We have to watch the little guy all the time, and as daunting as that sounds, it's also an exercise in being present. Often, I find myself trying to watch Phoenix out of the corner of my eye as I am scanning my email or preparing lunch. Even though multitasking is necessary at times, it stops me in my tracks when I look away for a second and I look back and see him looking up at me with the hugest grin on his face. Heart melting. Or I catch him completely engrossed with a wooden spoon. It may take a little longer to prepare lunch but I have to remind myself to slow down, to put away the to-do list, to worry about the blog later.

Some days are so long (and exhausting) but man, the years really are short. It's proven to be the truest cliche of all the cliches that come with parenthood.

So enjoy the happiness in coming full circle, my love. While I loved growing you inside my belly for almost nine months, it sure is rad having you on the outside. We watch with bated breath as you approach your first birthday in a funny crawl-walk hybrid. Always laughing. Our hearts smiling.

Waking Up

I read recently that after getting through the first few months with a newborn it's like pulling your head out from under the covers and waking up. I would say that's about right.

I have written several posts the past few weeks about this and that. Blah blah. Just because I felt I should. Obviously I didn't post them. None of them felt right. I love writing but these days I'm finding it such a challenge to balance wanting to write everything down to remember every moment versus living that moment. It seems like every little smile, milky breath, and sweet snuggle and going by me in a flash. All around me I keep hearing, "Enjoy this time, it goes so fast." And so I try to soak up as much squishy baby love as I can, every day and night.

In the beginning, when I was walking around in a cloud of sleepiness and anxiety, my sister in law told me, "The days are long but the years are so short." That struck such a chord in that moment. After she told me that, I try to always keep that in perspective. Sometimes my heart aches at the thought of sweet P being anything other than my little babe, but every day he is growing more into a little person.

These days we are truly coming into our own as a family of three. We wake up every (early) morning to sweet baby giggles and shrieks. Even the sleepiest of us (papa) doesn't mind opening his eyes to see baby boy rolling from side to side, chomping on his hand, and giggling at the light coming in. After Phoenix has his breakfast, we all shuffle to the living room where one of us plays with P while the other makes coffee. We usually have some breakfast together and then papa is off to work, down the hall. P and I are extremely lucky that Scott works from home. Even though he's super busy all day, it's so nice to be able to walk by his office to say hi or ask him to take a 10 minute break so I could shower/clean/eat. We don't take this for granted.

Usually at this point P and I have an outing. We are still getting to know our new neighborhood so we go exploring whenever we can. This also gives S some quiet time to work. Most days we have an errand but if not, we still  go walking. P loves it. For some reason he was never fond of his stroller until we moved to Brooklyn. Go figure. Mostly I wear him on me, but if we are grocery shopping or going for a really long walk, I change it up with the stroller.

After almost two weeks of living here we have been to story time at the library, which he loved, and dined together a few times. Usually I get a coffee and croissant while he people watches. Sometimes I make up stories about the people walking by. I tell him where they are going, who they are, their names. It's like improv story time.

In any case, I feel like I'm finally taking my head out from under the covers. The warm light is shining all over my face and I'm soaking it up. Phoenix has more or less created a schedule for himself. We never forced one on him or made him cry it out. When he was a newborn, he didn't go to "sleep" (ha!) until 11 or midnight, just to wake up in a few hours. Then, magically after a few weeks he was basically sleeping through the night! Oh sweet sleep, how I missed you. But, as it goes with these things, a few weeks ago he began waking up again once around 4. I can't say I mind too much as I know this is pretty good, all things considered. And as a bonus, he is down every night between 7 and 8 so we get a good amount of "adult time" in the evenings. But this said, his schedule definitely makes everyone happier. I've never been a scheduling person and for this reason didn't want to force one on him, but in the magical world of baby he managed to figure out what works best for him. And now we are all waking up together.