Phoenix Hudson: Month One

Well son, we've made it. One month! Actually, you are six weeks old as I write this but as you will learn one day, time is a fleeting thing. I have already caught myself on the verge of tears thinking about how quickly you are growing dear Phoenix. These past weeks you have filled our home with more laughter and our hearts with more joy than we've ever known.
You've already proven to live up to your name. You are so strong. Since your first week, you've been picking your head up and pushing off of us with your chubby legs. And every time your little head bobbles over or you can't quite grasp something and fall, you pick yourself up and keep trying. Over and over. Like a Phoenix.
These past few weeks you've also been spoiling us with your sweet coos and your delicious smile. You're even laughing! That little laugh makes my heart melt.
You're more alert every day and always observing what is going on around you. You love looking outside when it's too cold to actually go outside in the morning. After we nurse in the morning, you love to lay back down with us and sleepily gave out the window at the first rays of morning sun. Yes, you like to start your day early.
Recently you have been more interested in playing too! You love your playmat with your animal friends. Although you're not interested in sleeping by yourself during the day, we don't mind all that much since you're so snugly. At night you alternate snuggling up to mama and curling up next to papa. It's our favorite.
We are both so blown away with how much you've changed in just one month. Day by day you grow into an even more adventurous and inquisitive little boy. And while I hate to think about quickly this first month has passed we're looking forward to seeing what next month brings!

The greatest challenge this month was breast feeding. It was much harder than I anticipated and we both had trouble for the first couple of weeks. I was so determined to get through it and get better and we did! But not without several plugged ducts which turned into mastitis, and now, a round of antibiotics. Exhausting, but worth it. I can proudly say that you nurse like a champ now! Without any pain or frustration for either of us.

We are lucky that you are a pretty good sleeper at the moment. I say "at the moment" because I have learned in these short six weeks that as soon as you feel like you have something figured out (breast feeding, sleeping, etc.) it can change very quickly! A reoccurring theme as a parent, I'm sure. Anyway, you usually wake up only once a night if we're lucky, twice max. Pretty good buddy!

Other than that we are just head over heels crazy in love with you and so happy you chose to let us be your parents. We love you little fuzzball :)

Phoenix Hudson: Week 3

Every week that goes by, I can't believe we've been parents for another seven days. That we've learned another new way to soothe this little guy, to meet his needs, and also find time to shower. There have been a lot of questions and frustrating moments, but mostly we are feeling like real parents now.

Baby P is such a sweet little guy. We can't say much for sleepiness. Luckily...

Not that he is sleeping through the night. Ha! Hardly. But he does wake me up by tugging on the top of my tank top and whimpering a little. He then nurses for a bit until he falls asleep for 2-3 more blissful hours. We're not as alert as ever but it's definitely not as bad as I thought it would be. I know it's different for everyone and bless his little heart, our boy seems to be an okay sleeper for the most part, but I thought I would be a zombie for sure. 

We usually get up after our 8 am feeding or if P decides to go back to sleep then we sleep in until 10. Luxury, I know. After that he eats again and we play for a little while. By play I mean stare at each other and I talk to him as he coos and makes sweet baby sounds at me. Usually I kiss him a million times until he makes a face that says, "Enough mom." Point taken.

This routine goes on for the rest of the day: nurse, nap, play, eat (me), maybe bathe...

The last few weeks have been a hazy blur of diapers, first smiles, and family naps. And in the midst of this, we are moving. Out of New York. For good.
We are not moving to California until after the holidays so this is kind of a transition move. We are moving out of our apartment and in with my parents in the burbs. We are close enough to the city to see our friends on the weekends until we move bit it's till surreal. For the next several weeks, we will be soaking up as much time with our families and friends as we can, enjoying our beloved city, and planning our new life in our NEW city. All with a newborn...Phew.
With that, we still have to pack up our whole apartment by Monday. Yikes. 

Phoenix Hudson: Week 2

Our second week with our sweet boy has been just as deliriously lovely as the first. Sometimes I find myself just staring into those wise blue eyes and wondering what he's thinking. If he's absorbing all the ways we tell him that he makes our world go round every day.

And so begins the fleeting journey of a newborn. All day I daydream what it will be like to hear his first giggles and hold hands walking down the street. How excited he will be to kick a soccer ball. If he will like dinosaurs or spaceships. And the larger part of me is trying to soak in this delicious itty baby with all my heart. I know he won't be a dreamy tiny newborn for very long. So I don't mind the night feedings and mountains of diapers. I embrace it. I miss him when he is sleeping. Each night I snuggle him to my chest as close as I can because I know one day he won't let me. He wakes me up with his coos and by grabbing on to the top of my shirt with his tiny hands. My heart melts every time. 2 am, 4 am, whenever.

He's already gained weight from his birth and I can't imagine what he will be like in 3 months or more. I'm not ready to yet.

I know a lot of new parents can't wait to move out of the newborn phase but I feel like I'm holding on for every last moment. 

My tiny boy.

There is no greater feeling than the weight of my child's body resting on my chest. Slowly rising up and down with every small breath. 

Breathing in his pure scent and nuzzling the soft spot on the top of his head gently with my lips. Bliss.

I'll never forget it.

Phoenix Hudson: Week 1

I'm back. Sort of.
I'm back as a new mom.
A busy mom.
A mom too busy to blog because I'm more interested in snuggling, kissing, holding, and falling in love with my sweet newborn boy. And napping. Sort of...

Life with this sweet boy has been a whirlwind so far. We are about a week in and S and I have laughed, cried, worried, and grown more in this week then ever before. We have grown not only as partners but as parents to this beautiful creature.

I have been attempting to write my birth story for a few days now. As any new parent knows, you master the one handed typing pretty quickly. But every time I try to find the words to describe that day, I am at a loss. It was so powerful. So raw. So surreal. But I will get there...I will find the words. Hoping to finish soon so I don't get too far away from that feeling. Not lose the emotion that came with that moment.

Here's our first week in photos:

My Water Broke Last Night

And since then I have been on a one way train to baby town, making every slooooow stop along the way.

By this I mean, there hasn't been much action. Other than eating, resting, and hot showers.

My midwife came by this morning to check in and make sure baby and I were okay. We are. But other than that I have been having not more than some mild contractions, no where near the REAL DEAL.

And so we wait.

Having your water break is different than the movies. I thought it was going to happen and we would be rushing around getting ready. Nope. Just cleaned up and tried to go back to sleep, unsuccessfully. Not too excited.

Sigh. Come on baby! Let's do this!

image via

39 Weeks

Still pregnant.
Yes. Stiiiiiiill pregnant.
However, tonight is a full moon and I just ordered some spicy Thai. Let's see how that goes. Hopefully both of these things will kickstart baby boy's arrival.
If you are interested at all about when I go into labor - check my twitter. I'm sure I'll be posting something ridiculous and excited.

Emotional Overload

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I keep watching this video and crying. Why? Who knows. But it is a perfect example of how crazy I feel. 

Reflections & Challenges

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Pregnancy is challenging. It challenges, of course, your body. First off, you have no idea if you can even become pregnant. Every woman is hoping not to get pregnant for so long that until you finally decide to try, you have no clue if it's even in the cards for you.
Then, for months, you wait in agony until you're in the "clear" for the rest of your pregnancy. You're waiting to hear that you're "safe." I use these words loosely because although there is less of a chance that you'll have a miscarriage, it's entirely possible, as it was for me. Bummer.
By the time you're halfway through you feel those first few incredible flutters. That's when you feel that first magical connection. The first time you feel life. It's amazing.

At this point, you're being challenged emotionally. You're responsible. For making a life. For about 20 more weeks. Here we go...
And so begins the fun journey that is:

• "Is this really happening?"
• "Can we do this?"
• "How much bigger am I going to get?" (Spoiler: A lot.)
• "Um...I actually have to get this baby out of me?"
• "GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME."

Now this pregnancy is challenging your every day. At 38 weeks, everything feels a little more difficult. Half of the time I am starving no matter how much I eat. Equally, I can take three bites and feel like I'm going to explode due to baby pressing down on my stomach.

My yoga pants and leggings are in HEAVY rotation. Yesterday I wore my maternity jeggings to lunch and whined about it all day. Great idea.

I'm sleepy. Like really sleepy. More sleepy than first trimester, when I slept for 12-15 hours. It may have something to do with waking up a million times a night, ridden with anxiety, and baby deciding he is ready to begin his day at six. I know, I know. Prepping, right? Ugh.

My emotions are all over the place. If the bank teller asks me one more time if I'm still pregnant, I'm going to have a meltdown. OBVIOUSLY. Do you think I just gave birth and decided I liked the way it looked to be 9 months pregnant? 

Another challenge is finding time for friends. I know this seems like a no brainer. I have nothing to do but wait at this point right? Theoretically yes...But I have to find time AND energy to put on my leggings, brush my hair, decide if I'm hungry first, did I nap enough, figure out a place to meet within walking distance, sit down and take a break after all that, pee, cry because I'm so tired and not sure it was a good idea to make plans, lay down, have a snack, pee again, brush my hair again, cry because none of my clothes fit, decide if I have to pee again, and finally waddle down the street to meet you, friend. Exhausting, yes? I'm not kidding. This is an every day sequence of events at this point. Combined with contractions at inopportune moments and all around discomfort. 

To round out the whiny whining for the afternoon I will tell you that this has been a difficult year. Pregnancy has been very different than what I expected. But isn't that life? You have no idea how it will be until you're there. I remember feeling that way in college. Thinking, wow, I'm in the middle of this whole thing and this was not what I thought it was going to be. Or starting a new job, getting married, moving to a new place...you get the idea. It always turns out amazing, just somehow different than how you imagined. 

It may seem like it's been a miserable experience but in honestly, I really can't complain. For most of the past nine months I have experienced little more than some initial nausea, sleepiness, and about two weeks of sciatica midway through. I have felt energetic, excited, in love, blessed, beautiful, and honored to be a mama to this little being growing inside me. I have felt closer to S, the universe, other women, my own mom, my body, and God than ever before in my life. 

As much as I am being a whiney pants lately, I am so grateful to be here. At the end of one journey, and almost the beginning of a (much longer) new one. Hopefully baby boy will want to meet us soon. I know I still have the most important part (birth) to look forward to but now that I'm almost there, I can honestly say that it is an incredible experience. To go from peeing on a stick, to feeling your baby move for the first time, seeing your body change, surrender to the process, and trust in your own body...to know that your little person is going to be here soon. It's surreal. 

So, with that said, I am planning on taking the next however long (please come soon!), to reflect on this journey. My first pregnancy, my first child. A year I will never forget. I'm sure the next time will be different and just as special. But I'm in this moment right now, and I'm going to make sure I enjoy it.


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Wellness Wednesday: Book Review

My super talented friend, Suzanne, wrote a book! And, in fact, it is a very important book.

From Amazon:

"This book is the go-to place for cancer thrivers who want to begin their journey to healthy living with easy recommendations from a cancer physician and a wellness writer. The After Cancer Diet addresses what to eat, drink and do to remain cancer free for life. You will learn how to eat real food, find more sweetness in life (and less in your food), develop a regular exercise routine, detox your body and lead a happier life with more creativity and joy."


I encourage everyone to read The After Cancer Diet and use it as a tool to build a healthier and more vibrant body and life. Empower yourself in making choices that will keep you and your family cancer and disease free. Also, I was lucky enough to contribute my veggie burger recipe for this book! 


Way to go Suzanne! Thanks for taking the time to share your knowledge and help people on the road to true wellness. Pick up a copy for your e-reader here.